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Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. with the statement? kGGe
Women's roles and contributions in society have had improved since the industrial revolution. AS a result, some experts assert that due to this change of women's role, fathers should spend more time with their children and contribute to growing them up. I completely agree with this idea because of two reasons which I will explain. Firstly, as mentioned, numerous numbers women have worked outside the home, since the 20th century. This change extended the women's role from a housewife to a more productive part of society, which had more duties. Consequently, due to the proliferation of women's responsibilities they had less time for growing up the children. So, to solve the lack of time problem the fathers should help their wives and support them. Secondly, It should be noted each child has different sides of personality. Whether the women are the ones who decide to keep a baby or not, I think both father and mother should try to develop these aspects. Because I believe to evolve these parts of personality needs both parents participation since each of them can grow some aspects. To sum up, it is argued that the fatherhood in raising children should increase, which I personally agree with that idea. First of all, considering the fact that women's outdoor duties grow compare to past centuries, so men should help them in indoor activities, like bringing children up, to keep the responsibility balance at home. And the last but not the least is the cooperation necessity to evolve all the children personality aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women's
roles and contributions in society have had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
since the industrial revolution.
AS a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts assert that due to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
role, fathers should spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and contribute to growing them up. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
.
Firstly
, as mentioned, numerous numbers women have worked outside the home, since the 20th century. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
extended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
role from a housewife to a more productive part of society, which had more duties.
Consequently
, due to the proliferation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
responsibilities they had less time for growing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to solve the lack of time problem the fathers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their wives and support them.
Secondly
, It should
be noted
each child has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides of personality. Whether the women are the ones who decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a baby or not, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both father and mother should try to develop these aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I believe to evolve these parts of personality needs both parents participation since each of them can grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects. To sum up, it
is argued
that the fatherhood in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should increase, which I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, considering the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women's
outdoor duties grow compare to past centuries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in indoor activities, like bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the responsibility balance at home. And the last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least is the cooperation necessity to evolve all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
personality aspects.
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IELTS essay Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. with the statement?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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