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many employers offer their employees gyms,sports club. Others believe that it is unnecessary. discuss both views and give your own opinion .

many employers offer their employees gyms, sports club. Others believe that it is unnecessary. qV0lX
The effectiveness of bestowing complementary services to employees such as physical fitness and sports club benefit is debatable. Many employers believe that by providing these services, staff will be fit and attentive at work. However, a number of people say that it has zero advantages. The essay will discuss both views and put forward evidences as to why giving such as benefits is convenient. On the one hand, the employers who are not in favour of bestowing such advantages think that it is incidental. Because, firstly, they assume that it is the employess' responsibility to keep fit and healthy so that they can be heedful at work. Secondly, they also conceive that if they permit them to play sports or exercise, it will increase the company's loss. For instance, When some employees will go to playground, then company needs their substitute and it will be an extra expense for the company. On the other hand, permitting employees to play sports, fit their health is entirely conducive for employers itself. Because, Firstly, when employers will be fresh-minded by doing exercise, they will be able to make some sophisticated methods for the company'productivity, they will be able to deal with consumers effectively, too. Secondly, when the rest of people will see that the employers offer variety of things during job time, the company's advertisement will be accelerated significantly. For example, Most Chinese employers bear expenses of their employers' outdoor activities. Because they know it will boost company's fame. To conclude, the essay discussed both views ane reached a conclusion that, bearing expenses of complementary services will be supportive for employers
The effectiveness of bestowing complementary services to employees such as physical fitness and sports club benefit is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
believe that by providing these services, staff will
be fit
and attentive at work.
However
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it has zero advantages. The essay will discuss both views and put forward evidences as to why giving such as benefits is convenient.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
who are not in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of bestowing such advantages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is incidental.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
firstly
, they assume that it is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
employess
' responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit and healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be heedful at work.
Secondly
, they
also
conceive that if they permit them to play sports or exercise, it will increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's loss.
For instance
, When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees will go to playground, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
needs their substitute and it will be an extra expense for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other hand
, permitting employees to play sports, fit their health is
entirely
conducive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
itself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
will be fresh-minded by doing exercise, they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated methods for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
'productivity, they will be able to deal with consumers
effectively
, too.
Secondly
, when the rest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
offer variety of things during job time, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's advertisement will
be accelerated
significantly
.
For example
, Most Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
bear expenses of their employers' outdoor activities.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they know it will boost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's fame.

To conclude
, the essay discussed both
Possible spelling mistake found.
views ane
reached a conclusion that, bearing expenses of complementary services will be supportive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
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IELTS essay many employers offer their employees gyms, sports club. Others believe that it is unnecessary.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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