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Many developing countries place a lot of importance to tourism. Why is this? Do you think that this is a positive or negative development?

Many developing countries place a lot of importance to tourism. Why is this? Do you think that this is a positive or negative development? WAGq
Some people believe that more development countries attach significance to tourism industry. There are some factors that have led to people to focus much of their decreasing on number of visitors from their tourism sectors. Albeit, I firmly believe that this trend could have positive consequences for a few places. There are several reasons behind declining tourists from touristic areas. First, many visitors prefer to drinking and eating during the travelling as a result the large number of people polluting the ancient and stunning places with bottles and plastic packages this led to impact on the environment because fish and other animals suffering from more trashes in the ocean which come from beaches. Moreover, people may undergo enough problems which is depend on condition of the historical areas and nature notwithstanding the fact that earn superfluous money from touristic sectors. A good illustration of these America's famous beaches and other places due to aforementioned tourism industries came across plenty of environmental issues. Nevertheless, growth in tourism sectors is beneficial for ancient places as well as public. Firstly, people easily eke out a living by serving for visitors owing to tourism is primary source of great profit and government spend aforementioned moneys for historical areas in order to keep these places in a good condition. By way of illustration, Eiffel and France's national gardens which is most stunning places and more visitors looking forward to visiting these places from every corner of the world. Furthermore, tourism industries create vacant workplaces for unemployments on the way of the dealing with controversial unemployment's issues. Thus, growth in touristic sectors involve superfluous benefits for country. In conclusion, although some drawbacks of placing more vitality to tourism businesses, I reiterate my opinion that the idea of devoting great attention to the to tourism is advantageous to both government and population's social and cultural way of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that more development countries attach significance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors that have led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to focus much of their decreasing on number of

visitors from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sectors. Albeit, I
firmly
believe that this trend could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive


consequences for a few places.

There are several reasons behind declining tourists from touristic areas.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
visitors prefer

to
Did you mean "drink"?
drinking
and eating during the travelling
as a result
the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
polluting the

ancient and stunning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with bottles and plastic packages this led to impact on the

environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fish and other animals suffering from more trashes in the ocean which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come


from beaches.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
problems which is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on condition of

the historical areas and nature notwithstanding the fact that earn superfluous money from touristic

sectors. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of these
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "Americas"?
America's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
beaches and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
due to

aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industries came across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of environmental issues.

Nevertheless
, growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
sectors is beneficial for ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as well
as public.
Firstly
,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
easily
eke out a living by serving for visitors owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is primary source of great

profit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend aforementioned moneys for historical areas in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these

places in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition. By way of illustration, Eiffel and France's national gardens which is

Did you mean "the most"?
most
stunning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and more visitors looking forward to visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
from every corner

of the world.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industries create vacant workplaces for
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployments on
the

way of the dealing with controversial unemployment's issues.
Thus
, growth in touristic sectors

involve superfluous benefits for country.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of placing more vitality to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
businesses, I reiterate

my opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of devoting great attention to the to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is advantageous to both

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and population's social and cultural way of life.
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IELTS essay Many developing countries place a lot of importance to tourism. Why is this? Do you think that this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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