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International travel makes people prejudice rather than broadminded?what are it’s causes and what measures can be taken to solve this?

International travel makes people prejudice rather than broadminded? what are it’s causes and what measures can be taken to solve this? jYQy
It is clearly seen that travelling make people narrow except high thinking. According to my opinion it happens because of lack of knowledge about particular culture on the other hand this hurdle can be solved by making rules by the authorities. Firstly, numerous people move from one place to another just to explore the world. however some occasions they faced difficulties to understand native culture due to this mishappenins are done by them. This definitely hurt the feelings of individuals who living there such as smoking, drinking in the religious buildings. Hence the situations arises only because of lack of awareness. On the other hand, to tackle with this problems measures should be taken by the government to protect outsiders. In some places people from other countries are bullied by natives such as thieft. Eve teasing. due to this they are not able to think beyond their limits. just because of own faults. therefore, by making laws they could be protected. To compendium, it is true that people’s thinking level is not upgrading. The reason is lack of knowledge about culture. But this could be solved.
It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
narrow except high thinking. According to my opinion it happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of knowledge about particular culture
on the other hand
this hurdle can
be solved
by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
by the authorities.

Firstly
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to explore the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions they faced difficulties to understand native culture due to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
mishappenins
are done
by them. This definitely hurt the feelings of individuals who living there such as smoking, drinking in the religious buildings.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the situations arises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of awareness.

On the other hand
, to tackle with
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems measures should
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to protect outsiders. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other countries
are bullied
by natives such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
thieft
. Eve teasing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to this they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
beyond their limits.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
faults.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, by making laws they could
be protected
.

To compendium, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
thinking level is not upgrading. The reason is lack of knowledge about culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this could
be solved
.

IELTS essay International travel makes people prejudice rather than broadminded? what are it’s causes and what measures can be taken to solve this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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