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Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. with this statement? JKNQB
Developed nations have more money than they need, so they give financial assistance to undeveloped and developing nations. I certainly agree with the view that this financial aid hasn’t solved all the problems plaguing poor countries. However, it has definitely improved the situation in those countries to a certain extent. Corruption is one of the biggest problems that poor nations face. Even if rich nations give financial aid, the money does not reach the people who need it. Millions of people living in poor countries lack education. They are not even aware of their rights and accept poverty as if it was their birthright. If a nation is to progress, it needs empowered people who are aware of their rights and who have the capability to fight for it. An honest and efficient administrative system is required for the development of any nation. Corrupt officials and ignorant people who are not aware of their rights have never helped any nation. Unfortunately, developed nations that give the financial assistance cannot do much to improve the government or administrative system present in poor nations. No nation can interfere in another nation’s internal affairs beyond a certain level. So, other than giving financial assistance there is not much that rich nations can do to help poor nations. To conclude, I certainly agree with the view that foreign aid hasn’t solved the problems of poor countries. However, this does not mean that developed nations should stop giving financial assistance. They should continue to give money but the purpose of giving financial assistance should be the empowerment of people. Eradication of poverty is equally important but as they say, teaching a man how to fish is much better than giving him a fish.
Developed
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nations
have more money than they need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
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give
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financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
to undeveloped and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid hasn’t solved all the problems plaguing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
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countries
.
However
, it has definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the situation in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to a certain extent.

Corruption is one of the biggest problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
face. Even if rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid, the money does not reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need it. Millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
lack education. They are not even aware of their rights and accept poverty as if it was their birthright. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is to progress, it needs empowered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are aware of their rights and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the capability to fight for it.

An honest and efficient administrative system
is required
for the development of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. Corrupt officials and ignorant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not aware of their rights have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
any
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nation
. Unfortunately, developed
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nations
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
cannot do much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or administrative system present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. No
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nation
can interfere in another
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nation’s
internal affairs beyond a certain level.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
there is not much that rich
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nations
can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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poor
nations.

To conclude
, I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that foreign aid hasn’t solved the problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, this does not mean that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
. They should continue to
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give
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
assistance
should be the empowerment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Eradication of poverty is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as they say, teaching a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
how to fish is much better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
him a fish.
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IELTS essay Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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