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Many customs and traditional behaviors are no longer in the modern world and should be left behind. Do you agree or disagree?

Many customs and traditional behaviors are no longer in the modern world and should be left behind. pKeq3
While it has been said that nowadays, many customs and traditional behaviors are no longer suitable and should be expelled, I agree with this view to a certain extent and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, there are still some customs that have negative impacts on women and girls. Girls from a very young age are brutally abused both physically and mentally. For example, in some Asia countries, people consider that women bring bad luck, thus they don’t allow girls to go to class, forcing them to do all the house work whereas boys are able to learn at school and play with their friends at freetimes. For a result, It cause serious gender imbalance problem and the problem is more serious when the high rates of violence against women and girls are significantly increased. Moreover, science and technology have strong impacts on society and it is still promoted and developed. Thus, people should go to hospital when they get sick instead of going to fortune tellers and doing unscientific things. Believing in useless words of seers causes bad effects on money and health, they just spend money on a quack doctor and only get worse. Thus, it could strongly be concluded that for having a better life, people should discard the outdated traditions and customs, because of the improperness in the modern world and bad effects on humans. In conclusion, the benefits of leaving behind all the old traditions, especially negative traditions, are deniable, people will enjoy and have a better life without them.
While it has
been said
that nowadays,
many
customs and traditional behaviors are no longer suitable and should
be expelled
, I
agree
with this view to a certain extent and my reasons will be
explained
in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand, there are
still
some
customs that have
negative
impacts on women and
girls
.
Girls
from a
very
young age are
brutally
abused both
physically
and mentally.
For example
, in
some
Asia countries,
people
consider that women bring
bad
luck,
thus
they don’t
allow
girls
to go to
class
, forcing them to do all the
house
work whereas boys are able to learn at school and play with their friends at
freetimes
. For a result, It
cause
serious gender imbalance problem and the problem is more serious when the high rates of violence against women and
girls
are
significantly
increased.

Moreover
, science and technology have strong impacts on society and it is
still
promoted and developed.
Thus
,
people
should go to hospital when they
get
sick
instead
of going to
fortune tellers
and doing unscientific things. Believing in useless words of seers causes
bad
effects on money and health, they
just
spend money on a quack doctor and
only
get
worse.
Thus
, it could
strongly
be concluded
that for having a better life,
people
should discard the outdated traditions and customs,
because
of the
improperness
in the modern world and
bad
effects on humans.

In conclusion
, the benefits of leaving behind all the
old
traditions,
especially
negative
traditions, are deniable,
people
will enjoy and have a better life without them.
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IELTS essay Many customs and traditional behaviors are no longer in the modern world and should be left behind.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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