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Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many criminals continue to commit crime while they have been punished in the past. Personally, I think that some of them have been ignored by their societies and families. They have critical needs which must be considered. In fact, most frequent cause of re-offend to crime who have been punished is their families and societies undoubtedly, their genes also can effect on this problem. On the other hand one of my professor told me the people̛ s desire to anything can be inherited. Seldom possibly some families encourage their children for performance the crime. Moreover the society can play main role in prevent to re-crime. Definitely, increase the prices can increase crime rate. Rising housing prices and rent increase likelihood of crime. In today ̛s world, society are a complex of a many people with difference in lifestylies, minds and behaviours, The rulers of the society must consider all the needs of the people. Some of the criminals don’t have any jobs and their financial needs are not being met. If the government don’t provide an appropriate job for criminal persons it would be natural for people to go to crime after being release from prison so, the responsible person in the prison have to recognize the criminal persons and introduce them based on with positive and negative potential. I think this is only way to ensure that offender doesn’t go wrong again. In conclusion, to avoiding from the recidivism family and community are both effective. The government have to provide the convenient space to prevent the offender from repeating the crime.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
continue to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
while they have
been punished
in the past.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. They have critical needs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
.

In fact, most frequent cause of re-offend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
who have
been punished
is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
undoubtedly
, their genes
also
can effect on this problem.
On the other hand
one of my professor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people̛
s desire to anything can
be inherited
.
The adverb ‘Seldom’ is usually not used at the beginning of a sentence.
Seldom
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
encourage their children for performance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can play main role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to re-crime. Definitely, increase the prices can increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. Rising housing prices and rent increase likelihood of crime.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
Possible spelling mistake found.
̛s
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are a complex of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with difference in
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifestylies
, minds and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviours’ is British English.
behaviours
, The rulers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider all the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
don’t have any jobs and their financial needs are not
being met
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
don’t provide an appropriate job for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
persons it would be natural for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
after being release from prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the responsible person in the prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
recognize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
persons and introduce them based on with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
potential. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
Please check whether an article is missing: “a only”.
only
way to ensure that offender doesn’t go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
again.

In conclusion
, to avoiding from the recidivism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and community are both effective. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide the convenient space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the offender from repeating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
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IELTS essay Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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