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Many countries improve tourism industries

Many countries improve tourism industries J07gB
Nowadays, many developing nations are forcing on boosting their tourism. Having some reasons lead to this trend and it brings both positive and negative for that countries. There are two main reasons why tourism being improved in developing nations. First of all, tourist industries bring about great profits for nations, travel agencies can reap untold profits from tourist services such as hostels, restaurants, spas, resorts so on, expecially where have stunning landscapes or entertainment centers. So many developing countries have been investing for tourism and attracting a large of individuals who love travelling. For example, Eiffel tower is a famous place to visit in Franch, it also has an important role in contributing economic of this country. Another reason that tourism play as a bridge to connect international relation between many different countries, by travelling, tourists can broaden their horizons about the cultures, traditional or cuisine of that contries where you visited. I believe that the expansion of tourism in developing nations has some drawbacks. Firstly, tourism facilities can change the landscape, many fields, hills and forests have been substituted by high buildings, resorts or gold courses. Even though, stressing on local land use, due to lacking of land. In addition, the expantion of tourism is a causing pollution and natural hibitat loss. For instance, many restaurants do not know how to recycle trash and deal with the waste. Therefore it is a reason lead to water pollution and air pollution in many developing countries. To sum up, improving tourism industries are becoming a trend in a large of developing nations because many benefits that they bring about. However, this development can have more drawbacks if the government have not suitable policies.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are forcing on boosting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
lead to this trend and it brings both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for that countries.

There are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
nations.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, tourist industries bring about great profits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, travel agencies can reap untold profits from tourist services such as hostels, restaurants, spas, resorts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
Possible spelling mistake found.
expecially
where have stunning landscapes or entertainment centers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries have been investing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and attracting a large of individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
travelling.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Eiffel tower
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
place to visit in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Franch
, it
also
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in contributing economic of this country. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
play as a bridge to connect international relation between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, by travelling, tourists can broaden their horizons about the cultures, traditional or cuisine of that
Possible spelling mistake found.
contries
where you visited.

I believe that the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
facilities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the landscape,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields, hills and forests have
been substituted
by high buildings, resorts or
Did you mean "golf"?
gold
courses.
Even though
, stressing on local land
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, due to lacking of land.
In addition
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
expantion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is a causing pollution and natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
hibitat
loss.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
restaurants do not know how to recycle trash and deal with the waste.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
lead to water pollution and air pollution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries.

To sum up, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industries are becoming a trend in a large of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits that they bring about.
However
, this development can have more drawbacks if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have not suitable policies.
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IELTS essay Many countries improve tourism industries

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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