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Many children's are spending more and more time playing with electronic games rather than playing traditional games discuss why this happening and solutions more time

Many children's are spending more and more time playing with electronic games rather than playing traditional games discuss why this happening and solutions more time p11K3
In this technological era, there are many children who spent their time in front of screen such as mobile, laptop, computer, tablet and spend their less time to do outdoor activities or physical activities. This essay will discuss the main problem associated this situation and propose some possible solution to avoid them. These days, many children are not playing in gardens and play ground but only the outdoor activities will provide mental health and physical health. Moreover, they can explore their hidden talent and learn about different skills. Further more, children become more lethargic due to the less physical activities and they become more lazy and less socialized for in stance in one survey there are number of children who suffer from mental disorders due to less socialising and living an isolated life. However, the solution of this major problem is parents should modify their children's routine and include some interesting outdoor sports and activities. Secondly, many children suffer from obesity in early age and they will face many health problems in future like diabetes, anxiety, high blood pressure, they should know about more uses of gadgets and it effects on their eyes and brain, parents could encourage their offspring to do some physical activities and following proper diet and spreading awareness about their offspring's physical health. To conclude, it seems to me that it would be better for parents to encourage children to do outdoor activities and playing sports because it very effective and developed children's mental and physical health.
In this technological era, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spent their time in front of screen such as mobile, laptop, computer, tablet and spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
time to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will discuss the main problem associated this situation and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solution to avoid them. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not playing in gardens and play ground
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will provide mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Moreover
, they can explore their hidden talent and learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Further
more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more lethargic due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they become more lazy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
socialized for in stance in one survey there are number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who suffer from mental disorders due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Do not mix variants of the same word ('socialise' and 'socialize') within a single text.
socialising
and living an isolated life.
However
, the solution of this major problem is parents should modify their children's routine and include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from obesity in early
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems in future like diabetes, anxiety, high blood pressure, they should know about more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of gadgets and it effects on their eyes and brain, parents could encourage their offspring to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and following proper diet and spreading awareness about their offspring's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
To conclude
, it seems to me that it would be better for parents to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and playing sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective and developed children's mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
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Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many children's are spending more and more time playing with electronic games rather than playing traditional games discuss why this happening and solutions more time

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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