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Many children today are watching too much tv and become less active rather than in the past What are the reasons of this and what can be done to solve

Many children today are watching too much tv and become less active rather than in the past What are the reasons of this and what can be done to solve e5AwK
It is true to say that the amount of children watching television today is increasing rapidly comparing to the past resulting in reduction in children's physical activeness. Today's society's busy parents can be blomed for this situation and if, could be tackled by promoting children to be members sports cente. Nowadays, parents seem to be so busy thay they could not pay attention enough to children's daily life. Since, some workoholic parents at work during the day they may want their children to be at home safety. This could urge children watch TV more as a pastime. On the other hand, watching television as a hobby for children can come hardly for those families who have financial problems. In other words, parents themselves may inspire their child to watch TV to kill his or him time instead of going to any sport clubs. Parents as well as soceity are claimed to have a responsibility to inspire children to try pyhsical activities. First of all, the goverment could play a role in this by constracting new sports centres or providing them with hightech facilities. Parents could, in tern, spend their time with their child, may be by organising family trips by cycling. They can also set on example for children playing sports activities. To conclude, it is usually argued that these days children are watching television too much than those in the past. This has a negative impacts on the children's levels of activity. Although parents claimed to be guilty in that condition this could be reduced by stimulating them to play active activitires.
It is true to say that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is increasing
rapidly
comparing to the past resulting in reduction in children's physical activeness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's society's busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
blomed
for this situation and if, could
be tackled
by promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake found.
cente
.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
seem to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
they could not pay attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to children's daily life.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
workoholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at work during the day they may want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be at home safety. This could urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
a pastime.
On the other hand
, watching television as a hobby for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'come'.
come hardly
for those families who have financial problems.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
themselves may inspire their child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV to kill his or him time
instead
of going to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
clubs.

Parents
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
soceity
are claimed
to have a responsibility to inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try
Possible spelling mistake found.
pyhsical
activities.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
could play a role in this by
Possible spelling mistake found.
constracting
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or providing them with
Possible spelling mistake found.
hightech
facilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
could, in tern, spend their time with their child, may be by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
family trips by cycling. They can
also
set on example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

To conclude
, it is
usually
argued that these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are watching television too
Use "more" to make a comparison with this adjective.
much
than those in the past. This has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the children's levels of activity.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
claimed to be guilty in that condition this could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by stimulating them to play active
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitires
.
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IELTS essay Many children today are watching too much tv and become less active rather than in the past What are the reasons of this and what can be done to solve

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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