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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people believe that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem, while others argue against this. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people believe that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem, while others argue against this. BJQpw
There is no doubt that nowadays a great number of youngsters with sedentary lives have increased significantly. There are some who think that educational institutions and guardians should be held accountable for finding solutions for this issue, while others state that it is other people’s responsibility. In this essay, I will argue for the former view. The first point to make is that, in general, families and educational institutions have a key role to play in forming children’s lifestyles through their meals daily. To explain, compared to wholesome foods, parents prefer to give their children money so that they can buy food in the school. For example, the adolescent will buy everything fast food without controlling that they are the primary causes of the risk factors for heart, circulatory diseases as well as obesity. As a result, if schools and parents are in charge of controlling the food quality and did not give permission to children to processed foods outside, it would help the youngster to change their habit of meals on a daily basis. Another compelling is that, many children are lazy to participate in activities and a sedentary lifestyle exists after class. To be more specific, as opposed to the dynamic lifestyle, the children these days face the pressure coming to study with the highest achievement. To illustrate, those boys and girls are forced to get high scores in the school and accordingly they must attend to many different kinds of extra classes. Consequently, if parents limited the time that children spend studying and encouraged them to take part in more outdoor activities, the children would improve their health and comprehensive development. In conclusion, this essay supports the idea that both educational institutions and guardians must be control of the children’s unbalanced way of life because these two parties have to provide children with wholesome meals as well as holding more dynamic activities for youngsters. Therefore, it is predicted that children’s poor lifestyle these days will be affected detrimentally if nothing changes.
There is no doubt that nowadays a great number of youngsters with sedentary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have increased
significantly
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that educational institutions and guardians should
be held
accountable for finding solutions for this issue, while others state that it is other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s responsibility. In this essay, I will argue for the former view.

The
first
point to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is that,
in general
, families and educational institutions have a key role to play in forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
through their meals daily. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, compared to wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, parents prefer to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the school.
For example
, the adolescent will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
without controlling that they are the primary causes of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors for heart, circulatory diseases
as well
as obesity.
As a result
, if schools and parents are in charge of controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality and did not give permission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
outside, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the youngster to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habit of meals on a daily basis.

Another compelling is that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are lazy to participate in activities and a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
exists after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. To be more specific, as opposed to the dynamic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days face the pressure coming to study with the highest achievement. To illustrate, those boys and girls
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high scores in the school and
accordingly
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
attend to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of extra classes.
Consequently
, if parents limited the time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend studying and encouraged them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in more outdoor activities, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and comprehensive development.

In conclusion
, this essay supports the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that both educational institutions and guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
unbalanced way of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these two parties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with wholesome meals
as well
as holding more dynamic activities for youngsters.
Therefore
, it
is predicted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
these days will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
detrimentally
if nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
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IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people believe that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem, while others argue against this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Some people believe that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem, while others argue against this. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?