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living beside extended families is important now?

living beside extended families is important now? 7aKky
Since the beginning of the last century, socities have become very mobile, thus people no longer live colse to their relatives. Some people believe that extend family is not important nowadays; however, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubts on this belief. From a personal perspective, living beside our extend family is more crucial today than it was in the past given that living beside relatives is safe, supportive and less stresfful. The first and foremost point, life today has become vey stressful and expensive, wich forces people to work extra hours to earn more money. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on what was stated above is in the developed countries, such as Canada and United states both partents should work full-time to afford the cost of living. Provided that they live beside their relatives, this could provide them with extra support system; furthermore, grandparents could assit with childcare, which give parents a much-needed break. Consequently, living beside extended families is a blessing. Next, coupled with extra support, sense of security is another benefit of living beside our families. Provided that any case of emergency, our nearby relatives could help. For instance, in Egypt, a whole family lives together in the same house with a lay out that gives each member privacy, so thay could feel safer and more secure. Morever, our family members usually love us whatever we are or what we achieve, and that provide a feeling of real love. One final point, people who live beside their families could keep their values and traditions. For instance, adults who live beside their grantparents ususally have profound understanding of their traditions, and learn different values. In addition to that, it help people to build up deeper realationships throughout all the generations. As a result, having the ability to live beside extended families is very essential to cultivate values and traditions throughout different generations. Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, the extended family is important all the times. It is suggested that people compromise and ensure that they achieve a work/family life balance, placing more importance on family relationships.
Since the beginning of the last century,
Possible spelling mistake found.
socities
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
mobile,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Possible spelling mistake found.
colse
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays;
however
, there is a substantial body of evidence that casts doubts on this belief. From a personal perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beside our extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is more crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than it was in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
is safe, supportive and less
Possible spelling mistake found.
stresfful
.

The
first
and foremost point, life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has become
Possible spelling mistake found.
vey
stressful and expensive,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wich
forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work extra hours to earn more money. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was stated
above is in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Canada and
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
both
Possible spelling mistake found.
partents
should work full-time to afford the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Provided that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
beside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
, this could provide them with extra support system;
furthermore
, grandparents could
Possible spelling mistake found.
assit
with childcare, which give parents a much-needed break.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beside extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is a blessing.

Next
, coupled with extra support, sense of security is another benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beside our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Provided that any case of emergency, our nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relatives
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
For instance
, in Egypt, a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
together in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with a lay out that gives each member privacy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
could feel safer and more secure.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
us whatever we are or what we achieve, and that provide a feeling of real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

One final point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
beside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their values and traditions.
For instance
, adults who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
beside their
Possible spelling mistake found.
grantparents
Possible spelling mistake found.
ususally
have profound understanding of their traditions, and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
values.
In addition
to that, it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to build up deeper
Possible spelling mistake found.
realationships
throughout all the generations.
As a result
, having the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
beside extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to cultivate values and traditions throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations.

Taking everything into consideration; without a doubt, the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
all the times. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compromise and ensure that they achieve a work/family life balance, placing more importance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships.
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IELTS essay living beside extended families is important now?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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