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Many children lack access to education. What causes this problem? What solutions do you suggest?

Many children lack access to education. What causes this problem? What solutions do you suggest? b2Ll6
Nowadays most children around the world has access to education, but there are still some unlucky ones who are not granted with that basic human right. The majority of them come from poor countries, some are suffering from war. Some suffers from gender inequality. Or the less common ones that are abused. In this text I will discuss the reasons behind the difficulties of children trying to obtain knowledge and give out solutions. The most common reason why children cannot access education is because of poverty. First, their families cannot pay the tuition fees or the place where they live does not have a school, if there was it would be too far away for them because they have to work for their family to get money. Second, schools there are unequipped with education facilities. Third, some family does not have electricity therefore the students cannot learn after it is dark. But on the other hand, there have been new inventions that can help families have access to lighting after dark and organisations funding deserted regions to build schools, buy new books and Another reason behind this problem is the effects of war. Children in the Middle East regions or in Africa and Myanmar are suffering from both domestic and foreign violence. Which therefore completely unables them to go to school because some have to join the army and fight at such a young age. Some even get killed before they ever got to learn anything about life. But as a solution, The United Nations have tried many ways to stop conflict between nations and have created SOS camps for children around the world. The third reason why children cannot go to school is because of traditional mindsets and practices. Countries like India and Africa does not allow girls to go to school because their culture only grant boys access education and leave girls at home for the houseworks. But in the recent years, their government have tried to presuade ethnic groups to allow education for girls. The vast majority of people in India and Africa has been educated about gender equality and the importance of education to everyone. The final reason to this is abuse and bullying. Some children are bullied so bad at school that makes them depressed and scared to go to school. Some have to suffer from domestic violence or sexual abuse which makes them shy or even worse, terrified to go to school because they will show their bruises that their parents or rapist have made for them. In this situation, many schools worldwide have created psychological assistant rooms and the government has enforced new rules to diminish abuse amongst young people. There are still many children around the world who cannot go to school. But with the help of their local government and organisations worldwide, we can erase illiteracy around the world and give our young ones a better future.
Nowadays most
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children
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around
the world has
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access
to
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education
,
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but
there are
still
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some
unlucky
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ones
who are not granted with that basic human right. The majority of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poor countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are suffering from war.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suffers from gender inequality. Or the less common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
that
are abused
. In this text I will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind the difficulties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
trying to obtain knowledge and give out solutions.

The most common
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reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty.
First
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
cannot pay the tuition fees or the place where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
does not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, if there was it would be too far away for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for their
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family
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money. Second,
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schools
there
are unequipped
with
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education
facilities. Third,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
does not have electricity
therefore
the students cannot learn after it is dark.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other hand
, there have been new inventions that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to lighting after dark and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
funding deserted regions to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new books
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


Another
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reason
behind this problem is the effects of war.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
in the Middle East regions or in Africa and Myanmar are suffering from both domestic and foreign violence. Which
therefore
completely
Possible spelling mistake found.
unables
them to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the army and fight at such a young age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to learn anything about life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as a solution, The United Nations have tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
conflict between nations and have created SOS camps for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world.

The third
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reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of traditional mindsets and practices. Countries like India and Africa does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
girls to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
grant boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
girls at home for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the recent years, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have tried to
Possible spelling mistake found.
presuade
ethnic groups to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for girls. The vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in India and Africa has
been educated
about gender equality and the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to everyone.

The final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to this is abuse and bullying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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children
are bullied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them depressed and scared to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from domestic violence or sexual abuse which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them shy or even worse, terrified to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their bruises that their parents or rapist have made for them. In this situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
worldwide have created psychological assistant rooms and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has enforced new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to diminish abuse amongst young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world who cannot go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
worldwide, we can erase illiteracy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world and give our young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
a better future.
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IELTS essay Many children lack access to education. What causes this problem? What solutions do you suggest?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
486 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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