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Many Children have access to the internet and devices like smart phones, even at very young ages. Do you think this a good trend? What rules should children follow related to internet and gadget use?

Many Children have access to the internet and devices like smart phones, even at very young ages. Do you think this a good trend? What rules should children follow related to internet and gadget use? YLgrK
Nowadays, technology is improving all over the world. Therefore children have to know access to the internet and devices to enhance their knowledge. Therefore it is vital for the children. However, some children are addicted to the internet and devices such as mobile, tab, I pod. Thatswhy, parents should observe when their children use these devices. In this essay, I will discuss what rules should children follow when they use the internet and devices.
Nowadays, technology is improving all over the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know access to the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to enhance their knowledge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
such as mobile, tab, I pod.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thatswhy
, parents should observe when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. In this essay, I will discuss what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.

IELTS essay Many Children have access to the internet and devices like smart phones, even at very young ages. Do you think this a good trend? What rules should children follow related to internet and gadget use?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
74 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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