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Many children feel difficult to concentrate on their study. What are the causes? And what should be done to deal with this?

Many children feel difficult to concentrate on their study. What are the causes? And what should be done to deal with this? jy9p
Society have many children felling difficult to focus on their learn which have many reasons, the first reason is that many school leave school or some vocation always watch TV such as cartoon and ads, their suppose to have interesting for TV content, beside studying was very tedious and them always need to look book so that many children who cannot focus content for studying. In addition, many children like play games due to many games have different environment to attract children eyes, for example, to acquire virtual award games as well as change some fresh thing games that many children thinks playing games more reflected value in the heart, as result of some children were to resist learning. Moreover, many parents or teacher never focus studying for children, it is no important for children study people who is important thing for parents job or teacher only concentrate excellent students so that many children not confidence long time. On the other hand, society should announce important for learning in the future as well as society which invited some famous person to lecture in the study children who change some lazy or cannot concentrate ways. Besides, parents should accompany learning with children together to help children to solve studying problems as well as parents who give children make example more to teach children. School teachers should care children who cannot concentrate studying, teacher who give some encourage for children as well as teacher can research some to have lesson attracting more children find studying happy Overall, many children are very smart to have right education can enough become more hobbies studying. I suppose society and family should give more focus in the learning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
felling difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on their learn which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, the
first
reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
school or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocation always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV such as cartoon and ads, their suppose to have interesting for TV content, beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tedious and them always need to look book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
content for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eyes,
for example
, to acquire virtual award
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fresh thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more reflected value in the heart, as result of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were to resist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it is
Did you mean "not" or "now"?
no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for parents job or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate excellent students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not confidence long time.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should announce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in the future as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which invited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person to lecture in the study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lazy or cannot concentrate ways.
Besides
,

parents should accompany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
problems as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
example more to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. School
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot concentrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
encourage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to have lesson attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
happy


Overall
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart to have right education can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
become more hobbies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. I suppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and family should give more
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
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IELTS essay Many children feel difficult to concentrate on their study. What are the causes? And what should be done to deal with this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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