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many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time what are advantage and disadvantage to children of doing so

many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time what are advantage and disadvantage to children of doing so 9D5X
Children are an asset of every nation and parents are first teacher for kids. Some people opine that teenager should work part time along with their academic and in spare time. This essay will highlight both pros and cons of this statement. To commence with advantage of topic. Firstly, if parents encourage to their younger to do work then it is first step for them to learn a lot of things from other people. In other words, if children are working as part time then they can learn both work and social ethics as these are very crucial for youngster to become a good citizen. Moreover, many often children are very aggressive in nature towards their guardians if they refuse to give them money for unnecessary things. They can learn value of money and financial management in earlier age by working part time. Ultimately, parents are more respected by their kids as children came to know sacrifices of their parents. On contradictory side, number of youngster, adversely impacted by part-time work. Initially, usually it happened that when individuals do part time jobs during short academic break then they pay more concentration to earn money as they forget their study and after completion of studies they start same work. Consequently, it become a major barrier in growth of youngster. Lastly, sometime younger face very critical situations at work places when they are criticized by employers and demotivate them as they are not enough mature to understand the condition and positive results of their action. In conclusion, work for youngster is very paramount as it assist them to become a wise citizen however parents should keep an eagle eye on their kids and show them right path when they feel depressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are an asset of every nation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
first
teacher for kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
along with their academic and in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will highlight both pros and cons of this statement.

To commence with advantage of topic.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage to their younger to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
then it is
first
step for them to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things from other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are working as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
then they can learn both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and social ethics as these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
aggressive in nature towards their guardians if they refuse to give them money for unnecessary things. They can learn value of money and financial management in earlier age by working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more respected by their kids as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
came to know sacrifices of their parents.

On contradictory side, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
,
adversely
impacted by part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Initially
,
usually
it happened that when individuals do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs during short academic break then they pay more concentration to earn money as they forget their study and after completion of studies they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Consequently
, it
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
a major barrier in growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
.
Lastly
, sometime younger face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical situations at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places when they
are criticized
by employers and demotivate them as they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature to understand the condition and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results of their action.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
paramount as it
Did you mean "assists"?
assist
them to become a wise citizen
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eagle eye on their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them right path when they feel depressive
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IELTS essay many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time what are advantage and disadvantage to children of doing so

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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