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Many animal species in this world are becoming extinct nowadays. Should individuals and countries protect these animals from dying out or concentrate more on problems of human beings?

Many animal species in this world are becoming extinct nowadays. Should individuals and countries protect these animals from dying out or concentrate more on problems of human beings? BLGna
Ecosystem is made by animals plants and human beings but in these days the population of animal species is declining around the World. The people and Nations should focus on issues of human beings but the extension problem of animals cannot be overseen and give equal importance. To begin with the first reason in the favour of man is that employment and poverty are main concerning issues of human beings which can halt the development of country. Due to which most of people cannot meet their daily requirements such as food, shelter and cloth. Not only this, but health problems also should be solved because it is required for better nation. Therefore, humans need to focus on their personal and national needs then only they can go for second activity which is saving animals. Apart from it, animal species should be given similar preference as men by Nations because they are totally depend on human beings. Although they are responsibility of humans yet they have to suffer from difficulties due to human hazards. More importantly, animal creatures should be preserved for future generations so that they can get real knowledge about them and can enjoy the natural world and the steps to conserve animal species should be taken to balance food chain which is indispensable for ecosystem otherwise humans would have to suffer this. Resultantly, animals are as much important as humans on this earth. To recapitulate, human beings and animal creatures have their own importance in environment but animals are dependent on humans for their protection so humans should address their issues along with their own personal as well as national concerns.
Ecosystem
is made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in these days the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species is declining around the World. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and Nations should focus on issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the extension problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
cannot be overseen and give equal importance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
first
reason in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is that employment and poverty are main concerning issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings which can halt the development of country. Due to which most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily requirements such as food, shelter and cloth. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
health problems
also
should
be solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is required
for better nation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
need to focus on their personal and national needs then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can go for second activity which is saving animals.

Apart from it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
similar preference as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
by Nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. Although they are responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
yet
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from difficulties due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
hazards. More
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
creatures should
be preserved
for future generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
real knowledge about them and can enjoy the natural world and the steps to conserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species should
be taken
to balance food chain which is indispensable for ecosystem
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer this.
Resultantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are as much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
on this earth. To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
creatures have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance in environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
for their protection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
should address their issues along with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal
as well
as national concerns.
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IELTS essay Many animal species in this world are becoming extinct nowadays. Should individuals and countries protect these animals from dying out or concentrate more on problems of human beings?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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