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How important is music in our life?

How important is music in our life? jDXaa
Music is one of the important things in our lives. Music has an emotional effect on us. When we listen to sad music, our mood tends to deteriorate. We feel better when we listen to pleasant music. When we hear lively music with energetic riffs and fast-paced rhythms, we become enthused and revved up. Music has been shown to improve our emotions, lessen sadness, improve blood flow in ways similar to statins, lower stress-related hormones like cortisol. It also lower blood pressure, lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels and raise serotonin and endorphin levels in the blood. It improves one ‘s mood. The hormone dopamine is produced in the brain in response to music. Music has the power to bring people and cultures together by sharing a feeling that we want to share with everybody. Despite the fact that you don't speak the same language. However, I believe that having an open mind is necessary in order to connect with that sense of understanding. In conclusion, Music is much more than just a pleasant sound. It is loved by individuals of many nations, languages, and lifestyles all around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has an emotional effect on us. When we listen to sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, our mood tends to deteriorate. We feel better when we listen to pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. When we hear lively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with energetic riffs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced rhythms, we become enthused and revved up.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has
been shown
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our emotions, lessen sadness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
blood flow in ways similar to statins, lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related hormones like cortisol. It
also
lower blood pressure, lower cortisol (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
hormone) levels and raise serotonin and endorphin levels in the blood. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
one ‘s mood. The hormone dopamine
is produced
in the brain in response to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has the power to bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and cultures together by sharing a feeling that we want to share with everybody. Despite the fact that you don't speak the same language.
However
, I believe that having an open mind is necessary in order to connect with that sense of understanding.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is much more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a pleasant sound. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by individuals of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, languages, and lifestyles all around the world.

IELTS essay How important is music in our life?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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