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Many American believe that the death penalty is effective in deterring people from committing murder. However, others disagree, and many sociologists argue that the evidence does not support this view. What extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many American believe that the death penalty is effective in deterring people from committing murder. However, others disagree, and many sociologists argue that the evidence does not support this view. What extend with this opinion? eekEK
When it comes to the punishment of crime, people believe that it is necessary for authorities to apply capital punishment to govern the countries while others claim that the death penalty is inhumane. My belief is that the death penalty is the most effective punishment in the national legal system to prevent murder for two main reasons, namely deterrence for murder and optimization of national finances. The first reason for making the death penalty outperforms other is its ability to significantly deter murder crime in the future. In fact, the death penalty is more deterrent than others because people fear death more than anything else. If murderers are sentenced to death and executed, potential murderers will think twice before killing for fear of losing their own life. For example, there are many developed countries that maintain the death penalty, leading to a 50% reduction in murder crime rate, including the US, China, Japan, and Singapore, … Another important reason for making the death penalty better than the others is that it saves the nation's budget. Without the death penalty, plenty of countries tend to use life imprisonment or term imprisonment for murder and other serious crimes. In addition to the costs of basic living conditions for prisoners, the government has to incur other costs for providing education and vocational training, holding rehabilitation programs, and supplying security cameras and home surveillance equipment, … These costs burden the nation's finances and can increase citizens' taxes. If the death penalty is applied, the country does not need to spend those expenses and can allocate budgets for more notable issues such as improving poverty or repelling the COVID - 19. In conclusion, although the application of the death penalty is a contentious issue, I still hold the belief that the death penalty is the best way to repel crime in general and murder in particular because of its substantial deterrence against crime and national financial savings.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the punishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is necessary for authorities to apply capital punishment to govern the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
while others claim that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is inhumane. My belief is that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is the most effective punishment in the national legal system to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
for two main reasons,
namely
deterrence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
and optimization of national finances.

The
first
reason for making the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
outperforms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is its ability to
significantly
deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the future. In fact, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is more deterrent than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fear death more than anything else. If murderers
are sentenced
to death and executed, potential murderers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
killing for fear of losing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that maintain the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
, leading to a 50% reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate, including the US, China, Japan, and Singapore, …

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for making the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
better than the others is that it saves the nation's budget. Without the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
life imprisonment or term imprisonment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
In addition
to the costs of basic living conditions for prisoners, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
incur
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
costs for providing education and vocational training, holding rehabilitation programs, and supplying security cameras and home surveillance equipment, … These costs burden the nation's finances and can increase citizens' taxes. If the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is applied
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
does not need to spend those expenses and can allocate budgets for more notable issues such as improving poverty or repelling the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
19.

In conclusion
, although the application of the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is a contentious issue, I
still
hold the belief that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is the best way to repel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in general
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
murder
in particular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its substantial deterrence against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and national financial savings.
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IELTS essay Many American believe that the death penalty is effective in deterring people from committing murder. However, others disagree, and many sociologists argue that the evidence does not support this view. What extend with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Many American believe that the death penalty is effective in deterring people from committing murder. However, others disagree, and many sociologists argue that the evidence does not support this view. What extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?