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In some countries people tend to move abroad or to another part of their country often retirement what are some of the reasons? What are some of its consequences

In some countries people tend to move abroad or to another part of their country often retirement what are some of the reasons? What are some of its consequences Bl2w9
Post working age, senior citizens often shift to another nation and some people like To shift in cities. This tendency has variety of reasons, meanwhile To my mind, it brings number I'll effectWith regards To reasons, first and foremost these days most of older people like To shift in another country because some nation have old people friendly. Government that country provide Many facilities like medical facilities, pensions and accomodatio. For example survey of queens land University nowadays most of older people like to shift in Canada because this country provide Many facilities To elder people. next to it, some people get bored from their working days that's why they like To visit another country they want to do enjoy their life Admittedly, this phenomenon could have plethora of adverse effects. First of all, when older people go to another country they face language, culture and tradition problem because every nation has own tradition and culture. They face there difficulties when they communicate with other people they can not communicate with other, finally, some nation in world are very cold when they visit another country they environment does not suit older people health and they can face lots of problems To conclude, To my mind, older people should only Live with their community. Because if they live alone in another country they can face many problems
Post working age, senior citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
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shift
to another
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nation
and
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some
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people
like To
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shift
in cities. This tendency has variety of reasons, meanwhile To my mind, it brings number I'll
Possible spelling mistake found.
effectWith
regards To reasons,
first
and foremost these days most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
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people
like To
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shift
in another
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country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
friendly.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
facilities like medical facilities, pensions and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodatio
.
For example
survey of queens land University nowadays most of
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older
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people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shift
in Canada
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because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
facilities To elder
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people
.
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next
to it,
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some
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people
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get
bored from their working days that's why they like To visit another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they want to do enjoy their life

Admittedly
, this phenomenon could have plethora of adverse effects.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
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older
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people
go to another
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country
they
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face
language, culture and tradition problem
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because
every
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nation
has
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own
tradition and culture. They
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face
there difficulties when they communicate with other
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people
they can not communicate with other,
finally
,
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some
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nation
in world are
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very
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cold
when they visit another
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country
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they environment
does not suit
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older
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people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they can
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face
lots of problems
To conclude
, To my mind,
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older
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people
should
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
with their community.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone in another
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country
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problems
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IELTS essay In some countries people tend to move abroad or to another part of their country often retirement what are some of the reasons? What are some of its consequences

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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