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Man goes through a lot of changes

Man goes through a lot of changes Wq7Ek
Man goes through a lot of changes starting from the time when he depicted a herd of to current sitting on his desk with a cup of coffee and coding however the technology has been enhanced a lot. The 20th century has made so many changes in developing computer generations in addition to this has reached many goals that made our lives easier. First of all, I think the pace of our life is going to speed up. We can travel in bullet trains and jet airplanes to reach our destination faster. Secondly, is the work from home process where there is no required to go the office and work, depending on convenient we can choose our required time to work from any convenient place. Computers will be everywhere starting off from our cloths, ration, food delivery, online payments. Nowadays, there is a scope of super computers where everything is loaded in one chip. Thirdly, an Improvement in smartphones from the era where only calls was possible now, we have portable computers in our pockets with all the facilities inbuilt. When it comes to the 21st century is the flights to the outer space. There has been research where man can travel to mars because it has many resources. Scientist say that mar’s is similar to earth’s resources. Moreover, there is even a possibility of creating conditions that will allow people to live there on constant basis. To sum up, there might be advancement in technology that there might be difficult to imagine all changes that will happen in the next decades.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
goes through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
starting from the time when he depicted a herd of to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
sitting on his desk with a cup of coffee and coding
however
the technology has
been enhanced
a lot. The 20th century has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in developing computer generations
in addition
to this has reached
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
goals that made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the pace of our life is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
. We can travel in bullet trains and jet airplanes to reach our destination faster.
Secondly
, is the work from home process where there is no required to go the office and work, depending on convenient we can choose our required time to work from any convenient place. Computers will be everywhere starting off from our cloths, ration, food delivery, online payments. Nowadays, there is a scope of super computers where everything
is loaded
in one chip.
Thirdly
, an Improvement in smartphones from the era where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
calls was possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we have portable computers in our pockets with all the facilities inbuilt.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the 21st century is the flights to the outer space. There has been research where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can travel to
The planet and the god are written with uppercase. 'mars' refers to the verb 'mar' meaning to spoil, or the plural of the noun 'mar' meaning blemishes.
mars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources. Scientist
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "saith", "says".
say
that
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "mars"?
mar’s
is similar to earth’s resources.
Moreover
, there is even a possibility of creating conditions that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there on constant basis.

To sum up, there might be advancement in technology that there might be difficult to imagine all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that will happen in the
next
decades.
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IELTS essay Man goes through a lot of changes

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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