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Make secisions alone or by the help of family

Make secisions alone or by the help of family VwL1A
Nowadays, most Iranian parents wrongly believe that their children depend on them in decisions of life like in the past. As a young person, I strongly agree with the statement that young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives, and there is no point in being dependent on parents in making decisions about life because of information exploding accrued in the 21st century and dispute of religious beliefs between parents and children that is more than past. First, the information exploding in the 21st century gave enough information for young people to recognize good decisions from bad decisions, and their database isn't just the experiences of their parents. Think of a young person who wants to immigrate to the USA. If it was like 1999, his parents could disengage him from immigrating because they did not know how life was in the USA, and the young person himself didn't know, either. But in recent years, with the announcement of social media, search engines like google, and video applications like Youtube, if a person wants to immigrate, he can easily search about life situations in the goal place and make a conscious decision without the help of his parents. Second, the dispute of religious beliefs between parents and children that has increased in recent years has made young people more independent in life decisions. Children were supposed to get the confirmation of their parents in perspective of religious stuff, but nowadays, they are not supposed to. Think of a Muslim person who wants to be an atheist. His parents absolutely couldn't agree with his decision, and he wouldn't change his decision because of the feeling of remorse he had; but nowadays, with the dispute of religious beliefs between parents and children, there is not such a thing as the feeling of remorse; and the young people are more independent in the decisions for their life. I believe that young people are more independent in making important decisions in their lives than in the past because of religious stuff and the information exploding that happened recently.
Nowadays, most Iranian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wrongly
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
depend on them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
of life

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
like
in the past. As a
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are better
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
able


to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and there is no point in being dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in making

decisions about life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
exploding accrued in the 21st century and dispute of religious

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
beliefs
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that is
more than past.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
exploding in the 21st century gave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
recognize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
, and their database isn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the experiences of their parents.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Think
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who wants to immigrate to the USA. If it was like 1999, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
could


disengage him from immigrating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not know how life was in the USA, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
himself
didn't know, either.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in recent years, with the announcement of social media, search
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
engines


like google, and video applications like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
wants to immigrate, he can
easily
search about

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
life
situations in the goal place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a conscious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of his parents.

Second, the dispute of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
beliefs between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that has increased in recent years

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
has
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more independent in life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
were supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
confirmation
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
stuff,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays, they are not supposed to.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Think
of a Muslim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who wants to be an atheist. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
absolutely
couldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
his


decision, and he wouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the feeling of remorse he had;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays,

with the dispute of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
beliefs between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, there is not such a thing as the feeling

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
remorse; and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more independent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
for their life.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more independent in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
stuff and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
exploding that happened recently.
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IELTS essay Make secisions alone or by the help of family

Essay
  American English
21 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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