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Some people are convinced that commercial activities manage to persuade people buying things while the others believe the audiences have no longer attention on it due to its common. I will give several reasons of this issue and my opinion.

Some people are convinced that commercial activities manage to persuade people buying things while the others believe the audiences have no longer attention on it due to its common. I will give several reasons of this issue and my opinion. 5a7xp
Some people are convinced that commercial activities manage to persuade people buying things while the others believe the audiences have no longer attention on it due to its common. I will give several reasons of this issue and my opinion. First of all, advertising has been considered to be an effective way to sell products for many centuries. Many new fashion brands or even big corporations are still using commercial as a way to attract users. They can use people who have huge impacts to societies or communities such as KOL, celebrities or influencers. Facts show that these people can boost sales of companies when they are all trustworthy people in front of their fans and consumers. Therefore, advertising is still effective in some ways. However, in some other cases, advertisements tend to become less useful. When they are so common, individuals may get bored and see those advertisements as obvious things so that they do not care about their existence. For example, there are short amount of time for commercials during TV shows for 3-5 minutes. Most of the audiences may use that time to switch to other channels or they may use that time for other purposes but not watching advertisements. Thus, companies may lose an amount of money due to their mistakes. From my perspective, advertising is still useful to persuade us buying things. However, it is so common on these days so that we should only use it on appropriate circumstances. In addition, companies need to be realistic and aware of what is happening in the market to have the best decisions. In conclusion, advertising is still an effective way to sell products despite some of its limits nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that commercial activities manage to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying things while the others believe the audiences have no longer attention on it due to its common. I will give several reasons of this issue and my opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, advertising has
been considered
to be an effective way to sell products for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
centuries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
new fashion brands or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations are
still
using commercial as a way to attract users. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have huge impacts to societies or communities such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
KOL
, celebrities or influencers. Facts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can boost sales of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
when they are all trustworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in front of their fans and consumers.
Therefore
, advertising is
still
effective in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cases, advertisements tend to become less useful. When they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common, individuals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
those advertisements as obvious things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not care about their existence.
For example
, there are short
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of time for commercials during TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for 3-5 minutes. Most of the audiences may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that time to switch to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
channels or
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not watching advertisements.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may lose an amount of money due to their mistakes.

From my perspective, advertising is
still
useful to persuade us buying things.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common on these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it on appropriate circumstances.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need to be realistic and aware of what is happening in the market to have the best decisions.

In conclusion
, advertising is
still
an effective way to sell products despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its limits nowadays.
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IELTS essay Some people are convinced that commercial activities manage to persuade people buying things while the others believe the audiences have no longer attention on it due to its common. I will give several reasons of this issue and my opinion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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