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Love myself and my family

Love myself and my family p5Dka
I think that masturbation is very crucial thing in life. I enjoy masturbating with my friends in the same room. However, this type of exercise can lead to attraction for another man. In addition, it can seem as something strange for many people in the world. First of all, the life is hard and unfair. We live in dangerous world with strange people and dogs. My family struggles to find a job and sexual life in this district. Although, we have a massive house, but we do not feel comfortable inside it.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that masturbation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial thing in life. I enjoy masturbating with my friends in the same room.
However
, this type of exercise can lead to attraction for another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
In addition
, it can seem as something strange for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the life is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and unfair. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
world with strange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and dogs. My family struggles to find a job and sexual life in this district. Although, we have a massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we do not feel comfortable inside it.
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IELTS essay Love myself and my family

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
92 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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