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Longer life spans and improvement in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty five can continue to live full and active live. In what ways can the society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Longer life spans and improvement in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty five can continue to live full and active live. In what ways can the society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? r0Mo
As the mortality rate is decreasing by the improvements in medical area, old people live more than before. This demonstrates that they can live active lives and society can still take benefit of them. This essay will tell you what those benefits can be. Elders can help the young by sharing their knowledge and experiences. For example some teenagers do not know what is good or bad, but most of the old have experienced it before can explain it to teenagers using safer methods. Also they can give advices for many young parents to grow their children in a good way. Generally they are most likely to not to do physical work and just give good advices for the young, because old people have experienced it before. Olds can also teach people life many situations that they have survived. Opening a youtube channel and attracting them to the channel will be a great project. They can answer questions that will be asked by audience and also get paid for it. As the society gets knowledgeable negative habits will disappear. In addition they may have a channel that will talk about their funny experiences or encouraging stories, this can help people to set up new goals. Also some old trainers can still teach new sportsmen which will be better, because many young trainers are not experienced enough, sometimes new trainers can cause serious injures. In conclusion old people are still beneficial. They cannot help by physically but they can do many other works which I have mentioned above.
As the mortality rate is decreasing by the improvements in medical area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This demonstrates that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and society can
still
take benefit of them. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you what those benefits can be.

Elders can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
by sharing their knowledge and experiences.
For example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
have experienced it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
using safer methods.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they can give advices for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
parents to grow their children in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
Generally
they are most likely
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
do physical work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advices for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have experienced it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Olds can
also
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations that they have survived. Opening a
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
channel and attracting them to the channel will be a great project. They can answer questions that will
be asked
by audience and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid for it.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
knowledgeable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
habits will disappear. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
may have a channel that will talk about their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
experiences or encouraging stories, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to set up new goals.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
trainers can
still
teach new sportsmen which will be better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
trainers are not experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
new trainers can cause serious injures.

In conclusion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
beneficial. They cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by
physically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other works which I have mentioned above.
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IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvement in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty five can continue to live full and active live. In what ways can the society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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