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local businesses or advanced businesses

local businesses or advanced businesses oRjMV
Let’s take a close look at the information given above. In many countries, some supermarkets are creating big brands which possibly destroys local businesses or local communities in a short amount of time. Some people are frightened that the growth of supermarkets could harm local communities. If we take a look at the bright side, expansion of supermarkets would create easy access to each individual's needs from basic to advanced like culinary, fashion, electronic devices etc. This easy access could create a more efficient environment for people's work or their personal life and interests. And with new brands arriving, competition will get to the new level so products could get cheaper. In contrast to these aspects, development of supermarkets seems beneficial but it could let small businesses or local communities to end. Due to the end of local businesses, unemployment rates could get higher and higher every day. Also, some people could rebel against the government because of the unemployment which could damage the state's economy and politics. In my personal opinion, the products becoming accessible will benefit significantly. On the other hand, I do not support the idea of local businesses being destroyed, especially rising unemployment rates. To solve this problem, the government could tell supermarkets what to sell and what to not while supporting local businesses economically. Furthermore, people could move their business into smaller cities where life goes slower than the metropolitan areas. At the end, I am supporting the idea of balance between supermarkets and small businesses which are set by the government equally. By doing that, the local communities could live and unemployment would not rise.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s take a close look at the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supermarkets are creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brands which
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities in a short amount of time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are frightened
that the growth of supermarkets could harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities.

If we take a look at the bright side, expansion of supermarkets would create easy access to each individual's needs from basic to advanced like culinary, fashion, electronic devices etc. This easy access could create a more efficient environment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's work or their personal life and interests. And with new brands arriving, competition will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the new level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
products could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cheaper.
In contrast
to these aspects, development of supermarkets seems beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rates could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher and higher every day.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could rebel against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
which could damage the state's economy and politics.

In my personal opinion, the products becoming accessible will benefit
significantly
.
On the other hand
, I do not support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
,
especially
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rates. To solve this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
supermarkets what to sell and what to not while supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
economically
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
into smaller cities where life goes slower than the metropolitan areas.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I am supporting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of balance between supermarkets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
which
are set
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
equally
. By doing that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
would not rise.
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IELTS essay local businesses or advanced businesses

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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