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living independently being outside or living with family has its advantages and disadvantages.

living independently being outside or living with family has its advantages and disadvantages. x8N2b
It is true that young people prefer to live alone in luxurious apartment buildings rather than living with the elderly in the family when they are grown up and have a stable income and financial budget. I believe that living independently being outside or living with family has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, I believe that social networking is growing day by day and most people are predisposed to living independently without the protection of loved ones, and this is free from Eastern thinking and prejudice that the human children they raise to adult must fulfill their duty to take care of them. A good example is young people in the West who are considered by American law to be 18 years old and have the right to make personal and legal decisions. They can freely participate in social activities, or can join nightclubs, can even earn their own living to support their living or to pay college fees. The message to young people in the East that we can live the life we want, and free from stereotypes and prejudices. To add further credence to my assertion, I note the disadvantage of leaving your family to live an independent life, if you don't have the budget to pay the fees you can rely on family members' family. Take, for example, most people might not be able to balance university studies and part-time jobs to have a steady budget to pay for different needs. This kind of problem makes me think maybe people who are grown up should live with a guardian, and they are not ready to enter a new life without family by their side. In conclusion, it seems to me that young people should have a positive outlook on life and they have many choices to be alone or with their loved ones when they grow up.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone in luxurious apartment buildings
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with the elderly in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
when they
are grown
up and have a stable income and financial budget. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
being outside or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has its advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, I believe that social networking is growing day by day and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are predisposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
without the protection of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, and this is free from Eastern thinking and prejudice that the human children they raise to adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
fulfill their duty to take care of them. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the West who
are considered
by American law to be 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
personal and legal decisions. They can
freely
participate in social activities, or can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
nightclubs, can even earn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
or to pay college fees. The message to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the East that we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
we want, and free from stereotypes and prejudices.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
credence to my assertion, I note the disadvantage of leaving your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
an independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, if you don't have the budget to pay the fees you can rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Take,
for example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not be able to balance university studies and part-time jobs to have a steady budget to pay for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
needs. This kind of problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are grown
up should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with a guardian, and they are not ready to enter a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by their side.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
choices to be alone or with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
when they grow up.
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IELTS essay living independently being outside or living with family has its advantages and disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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