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Line graph of sickness in UK

Line graph of sickness in UK QMdOX
The line graph shows the number of people who got influenza in a UK village between 1985 and 1995. The figure of influenza cases which were reported was 40 at the beginning of the period and this is the lowest number of sick people it was in this ten years period when the 1985’s result is compare to other years. Following two years flu cases increased subsequently and after that period, it decreased sharply between 1987 and 1988 to around 45. In 1989, nearly 50 cases was figured cause of flu however during in a year later, the sharpest peak was seen with 70 infected people. The highest figure of influenza cases was seen in the 1991 and then sharply goes down 60 in a one year. After 1992 the sum of flu cases has changed slightly between 60 and 70 people. In the final year of the period, the figure was almost 60.
The line graph
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shows
the number of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
influenza in a UK village between 1985 and 1995.

The figure of influenza cases which
were reported
was 40 at the beginning of the
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period
and this is the lowest number of sick
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people
it was in this ten years
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period
when the 1985’s result is compare to other years. Following two years flu cases increased
subsequently
and after that
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period
, it decreased
sharply
between 1987 and 1988 to around 45. In 1989,
nearly
50 cases
was figured
cause of flu
however
during in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
later, the sharpest peak was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with 70 infected
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people
. The highest figure of influenza cases was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the 1991 and then
sharply
goes down 60 in a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. After 1992 the sum of flu cases has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
slightly
between 60 and 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the final
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year
of the
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period
, the figure was almost 60.
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IELTS essay Line graph of sickness in UK

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
154 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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