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Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree?

It is truth that modern technology has not made people more creative, although, it gave them a myriad of free time. I totally agree with this opinion, inasmuch as people become more lazy and losing their ability due to robots and social networks. First and foremost, the reasons why I agree with that are robots and automatic machines. By using robots and automatic machines not only are people losing their abilities, but also they are losing their work places. This is because of the evidence that nowadays, robots or automatic machines do jobs which people did previously and it led people to be less creative. For instance, in the past, a large number of people worked in post offices, but in today’s world, all of post offices automatized with robots because of it a small number of employees lost their jobs. Thus, people should scrutinize other work which cannot be replaced by robots. Secondly, not only do robots make people lazy, but also social networks make them less creative. In other words, today people just stuck in social network, the more time is spent in it, the less job is done. This is means that a good deal of people spends their time in a social network because it has become popular and every person’s work depends with how one induce one’s social network such as Facebook, Instagram and more. For example, if someone had been in London but had not took a photo and posted it in the social network, nobody would have believed in it. Therefore, people should try to spend as little time in it as possible. In conclusion, robots and social networks are main reason why I agree that people has become less creative. It is highly recommended that people should examine jobs which robots cannot replace and do not waste time in social network
It is truth that modern technology has not made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
, although, it gave them a myriad of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, inasmuch as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more lazy and losing their ability due to robots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks.

First
and foremost, the reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that are robots and automatic machines. By using robots and automatic machines not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
losing their abilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are losing their work places. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the evidence that nowadays, robots or automatic machines do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did previously and it led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
.
For instance
, in the past,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worked in post offices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
Consider using "all post" or "all of the post".
all of post
offices automatized with robots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of employees lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should scrutinize other work which cannot
be replaced
by robots.

Secondly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do robots
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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people
lazy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stuck in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
, the more
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time
is spent
in it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is done
. This is means that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spends their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has become popular and every person’s work
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
with how one induce one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
such as Facebook, Instagram and more.
For example
, if someone had been in London
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
had not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "taken".
took
a photo and posted it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
, nobody would have believed in it.
Therefore
,
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people
should try to spend as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in it as possible.

In conclusion
, robots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
are main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
. It is
highly
recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should examine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which robots cannot replace and do not waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
network
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IELTS essay Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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