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Large number Of companies you sports events for advertising their products it has a negative impact on the sports to what extent do you agree

Large number Of companies you sports events for advertising their products it has a negative impact on the sports to what extent do you agree NMBpN
It is common today that large corporations are advertising their products through the sporting events. In my opinion, although sponsors provide financial stability to the team, I think de-emphasis the sport itself. Those in favour of sponsorship argue about the financial benefits. On the superficial level, the wealthy company sponsor sports which enables to maintain professional funding from organising the matches to paying the salaries of the best players. Due to sponsorships, the viewers get free broadcast on televisions for the games such as hockey, cricket and football while staying at home. If advertising were banned sports would never be promoted in the country. However, endorsement of the product have an adverse affect on the sports as it reduces the focus of the viewers due to prominent logos on the jerseys. Also, the commercial ads played during the brakes are obstrusive for the audience. At times, the announcers promote the products while passing the commentary which reduces importance of the current match. In conclusion despite the financial benefits of sponsor companies, there are major drawback which affects the importance of sports. It is imperative to have a great balance between both.
It is common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that large corporations are advertising their products through the sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. In my opinion, although sponsors provide financial stability to the team, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-emphasis
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
itself.

Those in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of sponsorship argue about the financial benefits. On the superficial level, the wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which enables to maintain professional funding from
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
the matches to paying the salaries of the best players. Due to sponsorships, the viewers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free broadcast on televisions for the games such as hockey, cricket and football while staying at home.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
advertising
were banned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
would never
be promoted
in the country.

However
, endorsement of the product have an adverse
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the focus of the viewers due to prominent logos on the jerseys.
Also
, the commercial ads played during the brakes are
Possible spelling mistake found.
obstrusive
for the audience. At times, the announcers promote the products while passing the commentary which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
importance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
match.

In conclusion
despite the financial benefits of sponsor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, there are major drawback which affects the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It is imperative to have a great balance between both.
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IELTS essay Large number Of companies you sports events for advertising their products it has a negative impact on the sports to what extent do you agree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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