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Knowing the average percentages of nutrients in our food, helps us to care more about our overall health and use different diets to increase our life expectancy. A close analysis by the government of USA has revealed some useful information about the average percentages of three essential nutrients

Knowing the average percentages of nutrients in our food, helps us to care more about our overall health and use different diets to increase our life expectancy. A close analysis by the government of USA has revealed some useful information about the average percentages of three essential nutrients m3jRn
Some individuals deeply believe that the bad situation should be accepted. On the other hand, some people struggle and try to make their situation better. Although this writing agrees with the second notion, but both views are discussed in the following paragraphs: I personally have two different ideas about the first notion. First, it can be all about the religion. Some Muslims around the world believe that they have to accept their situation such as poverty because these are all God's wishes. In their opinion, it is part of their faith. Second, besides the religion, nowadays some people are not risk takers. There are always thinking about the consequences of their risks: what if my situation becomes even worse? These people are always struggling to make ends meet and although some of them may even leave below the poverty line, they try to accept it. About the second notion, I would prefer to give an example. I have recently read an article about a 40-year-old Japanese man who impressed me a lot. Years ago, he started up a business but instead of making profit, he began to operate at a loss. He was dealing with bankruptcy and financial debts. If other people were in his place, they would commit suicide. But instead of being depressed he tried hard, worked day and night and finally, he established a new company and launched a new product. Now, he is a millionaire in Japan. So impressive! Not often do people have his point of view. To conclude, both views are respectable. But, based on a survey, most people agreed with a second notion. Maybe they think trying hard for our goals is more logical which in my opinion, it is! If we all had to accept our faith and leave in poverty for the rest of our lives, then what is exactly the purpose of life?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
deeply
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
better. Although this writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
notion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both views
are discussed
in the following paragraphs:

I
personally
have two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
notion
.
First
, it can be all about the religion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Muslims around the world believe that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
such as poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are all God's wishes. In their opinion, it is part of their faith. Second,
besides
the religion, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
takers. There are always thinking about the consequences of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
: what if my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
becomes even worse? These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
below the poverty line, they try to accept it.

About the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
notion
, I would prefer to give an example. I have recently read an article about a 40-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who impressed me a lot. Years ago, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
up a business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of making profit, he began to operate at a loss. He was dealing with bankruptcy and financial debts. If other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in his place, they would commit suicide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
instead
of
being depressed
he tried
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, worked day and night and
finally
, he established a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and launched a new product.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, he is a millionaire in Japan.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
impressive! Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have his point of view.

To conclude
, both views are respectable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, based on a survey, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with a second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
notion
. Maybe they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for our goals is more logical which in my opinion, it is! If we all had to accept our faith and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
in poverty for the rest of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, then what is exactly the purpose of life?

IELTS essay Knowing the average percentages of nutrients in our food, helps us to care more about our overall health and use different diets to increase our life expectancy. A close analysis by the government of USA has revealed some useful information about the average percentages of three essential nutrients

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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