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key factors in a child's development

key factors in a child's development 96dmj
It is argued by some that these days the factors that play a big role in a child’s development are media, pop culture and their friends, while others state that family is the key factor regarding this part of a kid’s life. According to my opinion, both viewpoints contain important ideas, however I think the mentioned factors play a different role in the formation of a child’s personality and behavior. On the one hand, media, pop culture and friends can extremely influence a child and in most cases, they determine how kids will see themselves compared to others, however these factors can usually reach out to someone after kindergarten, therefore it can hardly affect what their family has previously taught them. Unfortunately, in the case of teenagers, media plays an enormous role in forming their ideals and how they see the world. Due to the unrealistic standards that movies and social platforms present, some may feel that they are not enough and start to suffer from some kind of a mental illness, like body dysmorphia, severe anxiety or even depression On the other hand, family usually affects another segment of a child’s basic development. It determines basic behavior, attitude towards other people, can teach the value of commitment and responsibility, furthermore parents can be a positive or a negative role model for their child. If one’s parents show a good example from a very young age, there is only a slight chance, that later in life media and pop culture will affect the basics of their value system. To conclude, the way I see it, media, pop culture and friends play almost as significant role in a child’s development process as their family do, however without a stable and healthy family environment, other factors can drastically influence a kid in negative way, therefore I think family is the key factor in the given question.
It
is argued
by
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some
that these days the
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factors
that
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play
a
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big
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role
in a
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child’s
development are
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media
, pop
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culture
and their friends, while others state that
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family
is the key
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factor
regarding this part of a kid’s life. According to my opinion, both viewpoints contain
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important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
,
however
I
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think
the mentioned
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factors
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play
a
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different
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role
in the formation of a
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child’s
personality and behavior.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, pop
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culture
and friends can
extremely
influence a
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child
and
in most cases
, they determine how kids will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
themselves compared to others,
however
these
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factors
can
usually
reach out to someone after kindergarten,
therefore
it can hardly affect what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has previously taught them. Unfortunately, in the case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
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media
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plays
an enormous
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role
in forming their ideals and how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world. Due to the unrealistic standards that movies and social platforms present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may feel that they are not
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enough
and
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start
to suffer from
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some
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
mental illness, like body
Possible spelling mistake found.
dysmorphia
, severe anxiety or even depression

On the
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other
hand,
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family
usually
affects another segment of a
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child’s
basic development. It determines basic behavior, attitude towards
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other
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people
, can teach the value of commitment and responsibility,
furthermore
parents can be a
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positive
or a
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negative
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role
model for their
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child
. If one’s parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example from a
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very
young age, there is
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only
a slight chance, that later in life
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media
and pop
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culture
will affect the basics of their value system.

To conclude
, the way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it,
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media
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and friends
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play
almost as significant
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role
in a
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child’s
development process as their
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family
do,
however
without a stable and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
environment,
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can
drastically
influence a kid in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way,
therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
question.
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IELTS essay key factors in a child's development

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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