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Juvenile delinquency has become a headline topic to talk about since a long time ago.

Juvenile delinquency has become a headline topic to talk about since a long time ago. kbLJK
Juvenile delinquency has become a headline topic to talk about since a long time ago. Unfortunately, many countries had a rapid rise of crime rate among the youth. I strongly believe that this is because the teenagers have wrong role models or come from a problematic family. It is very important to solve this problem by involving government to provide a better education and upgrading the sense of responsibility of people who have relationship with the teens. Nowadays, young people have been lost an exemplary. In any case, there are some role models but teenagers have failed to choose the good one. Instead imitating the attitude of hero or heroin who have a lot of inspiring stories, they prefer to follow bad people who have a dire temper or show a criminal behavior. In addition, the youth commit crimes in the light of wrong upbringing. There are many parents that have not enough ability to bring their children up. Some others have a huge problem in their marriage. Therefore, the impacts of this issue are influenced their children physically and mentally. According to an official statistic, the more broken-home cases are happened, the more crime rate among teenagers increases. To solve this problem firstly need a support from government. They should supply much more decent education for young people, so teenagers can upgrade their knowledge and improve their perpective about life to be mature and more responsible. Furthermore, parents, teachers, or other adults personally have to take a role in accompanying them to learn about positive values of society. They must be a friend who will always be there when the teen need to share. To sum up, I believe that the main factors of crime rate among teenagers are the lessening of exemplary who can be imitated and the bad condition of family where they grow up. Government and people around them should be more responsible to change this dire trend
Juvenile delinquency has become a headline topic to talk about since a long time ago. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries had a rapid rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among the youth. I
strongly
believe that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
role models or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a problematic family. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to solve this problem by involving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide a better education and upgrading the sense of responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have relationship with the teens.

Nowadays, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been lost
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
an exemplary
. In any case, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
role models
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have failed to choose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
imitating the attitude of hero or heroin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
inspiring stories, they prefer to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a dire temper or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a criminal behavior.
In addition
, the youth commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the light of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
upbringing. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents that have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
ability to bring their children up.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
others have a huge problem in their marriage.
Therefore
, the impacts of this issue
are influenced
their children
physically
and mentally. According to an official statistic, the more broken-home cases
are happened
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
increases.

To solve this problem
firstly
need a support from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. They should supply much more decent education for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can upgrade their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
perpective
about life to be mature and more responsible.
Furthermore
, parents, teachers, or other adults
personally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take a role in accompanying them to learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
values of society. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a friend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will always be there when the teen need to share.

To sum up, I believe that the main factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are the lessening of exemplary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
be imitated
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
condition of family where they grow up.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them should be more responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this dire
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
trend
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IELTS essay Juvenile delinquency has become a headline topic to talk about since a long time ago.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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