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Life is becoming longer and longer

Life is becoming longer and longer Gr3xL
Nowadays, thanks to the improvement of technology, medicine and science in general, people are living not only longer and longer, but also healthier and stronger. Overall, this progress is generating great benefits for our society as a whole, even though there are some drawbacks that need to be dealt with. Firstly, I would like to highlight the positive changes that this improvement has carried. The population is becoming healthier, with seniors able to live a decent life almost until the end of their days. Moreover, doctors have found ways to alleviate the pain, so that, even though certain illnesses cannot be cured, they can be much more bearable. Attention to the dignity of human being is becoming a leitmotiv of our society and it is only through medicine that our life is so different from those of the animals. Nevertheless, there are some cost to this new wealth, as, for instance, since people are becoming older and older, governments have to spend more not only for pensions, but also for medical care and facilities for the elderly. In western societies, this has been followed by a decrease of natality and, since less citizens are now able to work and generate wealth, this can represent a possible threat for the government finances. Moreover, some people outline that the older the society, the riskier for the environment, since more inhabitants could not be tolerated by the Earth, which may not be able to give us enough resources to survive. However, this argument does non seem consistent to me: as a book called “Factfulness” underlined, when a society becomes richer (and thus older), less people have babies, so the number of people of that State tends to decrease. This is also the reason why in poor countries, such as Africa, more and more people are born everyday, much more that those who dies, even though the life expectancy there is minor than that of the European Countries. To conclude, I believe that the benefits of this progress and innovation surely outweigh the cons, but a careful planning by the government is necessary to assure a sustainable growth.
Nowadays, thanks to the improvement of technology, medicine and science
in general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
longer and longer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
healthier and stronger.

Overall
, this progress is generating great benefits for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that need to
be dealt
with.

Firstly
, I would like to highlight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that this improvement has carried. The population is becoming healthier, with seniors able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a decent life almost until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their days.
Moreover
, doctors have found ways to alleviate the pain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that,
even though
certain illnesses cannot
be cured
, they can be much more bearable. Attention to the dignity of human being is becoming a leitmotiv of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through medicine that our life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from those of the animals.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cost to this new wealth, as,
for instance
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for pensions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for medical care and facilities for the elderly. In western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, this has
been followed
by a decrease of
Possible spelling mistake found.
natality
and, since
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun citizens is countable.
less
citizens are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to work and generate wealth, this can represent a possible threat for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
finances.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outline that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the riskier for the environment, since more inhabitants could not
be tolerated
by the Earth, which may not be able to give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to survive.
However
, this argument does non seem consistent to me: as a book called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Factfulness
” underlined, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
becomes richer (and
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older)
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have babies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of that State tends to decrease. This is
also
the reason why in poor countries, such as Africa, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, much more that those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
,
even though
the life expectancy there is minor than that of the European Countries.

To conclude
, I believe that the benefits of this progress and innovation
surely
outweigh the cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a careful planning by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is necessary to assure a sustainable growth.
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IELTS essay Life is becoming longer and longer

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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