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jobs (career and vacations)

jobs (career and vacations) Aw1o3
These days, the excursion is trendy, and most people place great emphasis on it. Some people prefer to do a job with more vacation time, even though it provides a low salary. As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with such a notion. As money is necessary for buying convenient things in people’s lives, I believe that working with a high income but less holiday is better. This essay will provide further aspects and examples to support this idea in the subsequent paragraphs. First and foremost, money allows people to live comfortably. Most indispensable things such as houses or foods are valuable. Moreover, people also spend a lot of money on traveling too. For this reason, individuals should work for acquiring a large amount of salary before they concern about their vacation time. I can attest to this from my own experience; My father worked at the company paid a high salary but had only one long-term holiday per year. Therefore, when my family excursion abroad, we spend a lot having a splendid family’s trip, consuming good foods, and rooming at the best hotels. Although we have not many chances to travel, each trip extremely fulfills our life. Secondly, another fact that supports my standpoint is that money is veritable to help individuals in unexpected situations. As humans usually face an ailment and accident, they should spare their cash for those critical cases. To illustrate this, a majority of teenagers today desire to travel to many places around the world. According to the research from Harvard University in Boston, individuals aged twenty-five to thirty have a trend to pay for vacationing abroad rather than save them for an emergency. Therefore, this group has a low savings rate and tends to have dept problems. If they decide to work for high income more and decrease their traveling, they will have savings for their urgent medical fees. In conclusion, I firmly prefer to work in a high-salary profession with less vacation time. This is because money is significant for comfortable living and paying their unpredicted fees.
These days, the excursion is trendy, and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
place great emphasis on it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to do a job with more vacation time,
even though
it provides a low salary. As far as I
am concerned
, I
strongly
disagree with such a notion. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary for buying convenient things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I believe that working with a high income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less holiday is better. This essay will provide
further
aspects and examples to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
. Most indispensable things such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or foods are valuable.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on traveling too.
For this reason
, individuals should work for acquiring a large amount of salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they concern about their vacation time. I can attest to this from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience; My father worked at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
paid a high salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one long-term holiday per year.
Therefore
, when my family excursion abroad, we spend
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of having"?
a lot having
a splendid family’s trip, consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foods, and rooming at the best hotels. Although we have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to travel, each trip
extremely
fulfills our life.

Secondly
, another fact that supports my standpoint is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is veritable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals in unexpected situations. As humans
usually
face an ailment and accident, they should spare their cash for those critical cases. To illustrate this, a majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
desire to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places around the world. According to the research from Harvard University in Boston, individuals aged twenty-five to thirty have a trend to pay for vacationing abroad
rather
than save them for an emergency.
Therefore
, this group has a low savings rate and tends to have dept problems. If they decide to work for high income more and decrease their traveling, they will have savings for their urgent medical fees.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
prefer to work in a high-salary profession with less vacation time. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is significant for comfortable living and paying their
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpredicted
fees.
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IELTS essay jobs (career and vacations)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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