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Its was revealed in a recent survey that happiness levels in developing countries are higher than those of developed countries. Why this so?

Its was revealed in a recent survey that happiness levels in developing countries are higher than those of developed countries. Why this so? PMLjw
No one can deny that people of developing nations are more satisfied and happy when compared with the developed nations, and it was also proved by one latest survey. This essay will attempt to analyze the reasons behind developing nations' happiness and offer its conclusion. First of all, the individuals are having a strong relationship with their families, and share daily happenings of a day with them. In other words, under-developed nations do not have recreational activities to feel fresh. Usually, citizens prefer families get-together where they can express their internal feelings to each of them and take the advice of elders. To exemplify it, one survey was conducted by the Canadian government which revealed that masses of less advanced regions go for families get-together every weekend. As a result, the multitudes of nations that are not technologically developed do not have psychological problems. Furthermore, the younger generation of these countries is not fully employed owing to the fact of rare employment opportunities. To elaborate it, the burden of work is low on individuals then it prevents them from serious problems like depression, stress, and anxiety. For instance, a headline of 'Moscow Times' in 2012 published that employees of companies want to leave their jobs because they believed that contentment and pleasure are missing in their life. Therefore, unemployed people enjoy every moment of life in a peaceful manner when compared with individuals on stressful jobs. To conclude, humans of not fully developed nations are satisfied because of good family relationships, and no burden of work on them.
No one can deny that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are more satisfied and happy when compared with the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, and it was
also
proved by one latest survey. This essay will attempt to analyze the reasons behind developing nations' happiness and offer its conclusion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the individuals are having a strong relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and share daily happenings of a day with them.
In other words
, under-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
do not have recreational activities to feel fresh.
Usually
, citizens prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together where they can express their internal feelings to each of them and take the advice of elders. To exemplify it, one survey
was conducted
by the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which revealed that masses of less advanced regions go for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together every weekend.
As a result
, the multitudes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
that are not
technologically
developed do not have psychological problems.
Furthermore
, the younger generation of these countries is not
fully
employed owing to the fact of rare employment opportunities. To elaborate it, the burden of work is low on individuals then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from serious problems like depression,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and anxiety.
For instance
, a headline of 'Moscow Times' in 2012 published that employees of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believed that contentment and pleasure are missing in their life.
Therefore
, unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy every moment of life
Consider replacing "in a peaceful manner" with the adverb for "peaceful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a peaceful manner
when compared with individuals on stressful jobs.
To conclude
, humans of not
fully
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are satisfied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships, and no burden of work on them.
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IELTS essay Its was revealed in a recent survey that happiness levels in developing countries are higher than those of developed countries. Why this so?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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