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It's believed that the death sentence is effective in taking over the reins and lower serious crime. I agree that enforcement of severe offenders can be a good solution to this problem, but I do not think that the death penalty is the most appropriate method.

It's believed that the death sentence is effective in taking over the reins and lower serious crime. I agree that enforcement of severe offenders can be a good solution to this problem, but I do not think that the death penalty is the most appropriate method. eKk8K
On the one hand, I would agree that the death penalty for serious crime can be beneficial for several reasons. Firstly, it is necessary to maintain law and order in the society. For instance, the strict punishment can make would-be criminal feel scared and rethink before plan their cruel act. Secondly, it helps government to restoring believed of people. A telling example is the murderer must be faced trial to capital punishment, otherwise people will feel angry. Nevertheless, I also think the death penalty is not the best way to reduce the crime rate. The main drawbacks is many people suppose that this punishment do not work at preventing crime who is mentally ill. They commit crimes because they can not control themselves and are not aware of their action. Another downside is there have been some people who innocent have been sentenced death. It’s so terrible! In conclusion, despite of some positive impacts on law and order in the society, I hold the opinion that the death penalty also triggers adverse effects on humanitarian values.
On the one hand, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the death penalty for serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can be beneficial for several reasons.
Firstly
, it is necessary to maintain law and order in the society.
For instance
, the strict punishment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
would-be criminal feel scared and rethink
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
plan their cruel act.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to restoring believed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A telling example is the murderer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be faced
trial to capital punishment,
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel angry.

Nevertheless
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the death penalty is not the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. The main drawbacks is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that this punishment do not work at preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
who is mentally ill. They commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not control themselves and are not aware of their action. Another downside is there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a innocent".
who innocent
have
been sentenced
death. It’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
terrible!

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on law and order in the society, I hold the opinion that the death penalty
also
triggers adverse effects on humanitarian values.
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IELTS essay It's believed that the death sentence is effective in taking over the reins and lower serious crime. I agree that enforcement of severe offenders can be a good solution to this problem, but I do not think that the death penalty is the most appropriate method.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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