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It s important that we know about the events happening around the world though they do not affect our lives v.1

It s important that we know about the events happening around the world though they do not affect our lives v. 1
Some people contend that ordinary people don' t have to know about the everyday news happening all over the world, as we have nothing to do with them. However, I hold the opposite view. As far as globalization was concerned, it' s necessary for us to pay attention to the events. Admittedly, a voice rises that the majority of citizens are normal people who don' t have any rights to make decision for a country. In addition, even if they have understanding of events happening in the world, those events are still not relevant with them. However, with rapid globalization nowadays, whole world is tending to become an integrity, where everyone can be connected easily. Therefore, any essential events are strikingly corresponding to each person' s daily life. I' ll illustrate it in the following passage. To begin with, owing to the trend of globalization, our living standards are specially affected by the events in the world, as the economy of one country correlates with others. It' s generally acknowledged that the imports and exports is one of the most important support for Chinese GDP and the amount of trades with other countries is constantly increasing in these years. This is to say, if there is something wrong with other countries’ economy, Chinese people' s equality of life can be affected negatively. Therefore, if we are focusing on the news about events every day, we will get preparation for the coming crisis and even diminish our loss as possible. For an example, the finance crisis happened in America in 2008 shocked the world economy. Chinese stock price was incessantly plunging into nadir, which led to the losses for every citizen. Many people had to sell their houses to compensate and pay for the debts. Also, many people lost their jobs, becoming the state of unemployment. Nevertheless, those who always focused on the news are more likely to predict such turbulent condition. So, they actually decreased their loss. Apart from that, paying attention to the events is an excellent way for youngsters to make choices of their careers. It' s common that the substantial events are deciding to the needs of working. To be more specific, return to the example stated above. The financial crisis had negative effects on the financial corporations and workers. The numerous financial white collars were fired by company in those years. For financial students in college, it was hard for them to get a chance of internship and find an ideal job when they graduated. The stock market was almost stagnant. Therefore, if the students were focusing the events, they would not choose finance or economy as their profession when they stepped into university. Instead, they can choose other more brighter careers, like being a doctor or programmer. In this case, I can safely draw a conclusion that knowing about events is an indicator for those young people with ambition. In a nutshell, I maintain that people have to have understanding of news, no matter you are a juvenile considering your future or an adult worrying about daily life. Anyone who focus on daily events all over the world will bring back benefits.
Some
people
contend that ordinary
people
don&
#039; t
have to
know about the everyday
news
happening all over the
world
, as we have nothing to do with them.
However
, I hold the opposite view. As far as globalization
was concerned
,
it&
#039; s necessary for us to pay attention to the
events
.

Admittedly
, a voice rises that the majority of citizens are normal
people
who
don&
#039; t have any rights to
make
decision for a
country
.
In addition
, even if they have understanding of
events
happening in the
world
, those
events
are
still
not relevant with them.
However
, with rapid globalization nowadays, whole
world
is tending to become an integrity, where everyone can
be connected
easily
.
Therefore
, any essential
events
are
strikingly
corresponding to each
person&
#039; s daily life.
I&
#039; ll illustrate it in the following passage.

To
begin
with, owing to the trend of globalization, our living standards are
specially
affected
by the
events
in the
world
, as the
economy
of one
country
correlates with others.
It&
#039; s
generally
acknowledged that the imports and exports is one of the most
important
support for Chinese GDP and the amount of trades with
other
countries
is
constantly
increasing in these years. This is to say, if there is something
wrong
with
other
countries’
economy
, Chinese
people&
#039; s equality of life can be
affected
negatively
.
Therefore
, if we are focusing on the
news
about
events
every day, we will
get
preparation for the coming crisis and even diminish our loss as possible. For an example, the finance crisis happened in America in 2008 shocked the
world
economy
. Chinese stock price was
incessantly
plunging into nadir, which led to the losses for every citizen.
Many
people
had to sell their
houses
to compensate and pay for the debts.
Also
,
many
people
lost their jobs, becoming the state of unemployment.
Nevertheless
, those who always focused on the
news
are more likely to predict such turbulent condition.
So
, they actually decreased their loss.

Apart from that, paying attention to the
events
is an excellent way for youngsters to
make
choices of their careers.
It&
#039; s common that the substantial
events
are deciding to the needs of working. To be more specific, return to the example stated above. The
financial
crisis had
negative
effects on the
financial
corporations and workers. The numerous
financial
white collars
were fired
by
company
in those years. For
financial
students in college, it was
hard
for them to
get
a chance of internship and find an ideal job when they graduated. The stock market was almost stagnant.
Therefore
, if the students were focusing the
events
, they would not choose finance or
economy
as their profession when they stepped into university.
Instead
, they can choose
other
more brighter
careers, like being a doctor or programmer.
In this case
, I can
safely
draw a conclusion that knowing about
events
is an indicator for those young
people
with ambition.

In a nutshell, I maintain that
people
have to
have understanding of
news
, no matter you are a juvenile considering your future or an adult worrying about daily life. Anyone who focus on daily
events
all over the
world
will bring back benefits.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It s important that we know about the events happening around the world though they do not affect our lives v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
527 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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