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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCIENTISTS MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. OTHERS THINK THAT THE CONTRIBUTIONS FOF ARTISTS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. v.2

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCIENTISTS MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. OTHERS THINK THAT THE CONTRIBUTIONS FOF ARTISTS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. v. 2
Can you imagine your life without today’s modern contrivances, electronic devices, vehicles and smart gadgets? Presumably not at all. But what about living without any piece of art work? Actually, it is quite possible and will not significantly affect the quality of your life. Therefore, though many people insist that artists are of an indispensable significance, I will definitely declare that the role and contributions of scientists are immeasurable. I will explore the most discernible reasons for my viewpoint in the subsequent body paragraphs. To commence with, for the time being humanity is provided with a lot of edge-cutting technological advances and it is all due to our scientists. The inventions and discoveries, that they make, significantly improve people’s lives and gives them more opportunities. In other words, scientists’ contributions are visible in all walks of life and we have a daily deal with them. To elucidate my point, let us take the internet as an example. The advent of the internet was really a monumental and life-changing invention. Due to the scientists we are like never before provided with boundless sources of information, which are available at any time and at any place we are. We can surf the internet, find different news, jobs, universities, distinguished people and be posted about everyday life events. Moreover, if we dig deeper, we will understand that internet is also a real opportunity for those very artists to develop their skills and introduce their works to the society. In addition, besides all that technological inventions, scientists has been striving to explain everything that surrounds us, thereby making people be much closer to their nature and world. In other words, they unravel any kinds of unexplainable events of the nature, hence giving us that opportunity to be prevent some disasters and take care of our home. For example, in ancient times people could not have any idea about the effects of their deleterious activities on the nature, therefore were not eager to take steps and look after their environment. On the other hand, today we realize that humanity should be extremely careful to prevent global warming, pollution etc. In the light of the reasons mentioned above, I will surely state that the contribution of scientists is far more important than the one of artists.
Can you imagine your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern contrivances, electronic devices, vehicles and smart gadgets? Presumably not at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what about living without any piece of art work? Actually, it is quite possible and will not
significantly
affect the quality of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that artists are of an indispensable significance, I will definitely declare that the role and contributions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are immeasurable. I will explore the most discernible reasons for my viewpoint in the subsequent body paragraphs.

To commence with, for the time being humanity
is provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
edge-cutting technological advances and it is all due to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
. The inventions and discoveries, that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
,
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and gives them more opportunities.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists’
contributions are visible in all walks of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we have a daily deal with them. To elucidate my point,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us take the internet as an example. The advent of the internet was
really
a monumental and life-changing invention. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
we are like never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
provided with boundless sources of information, which are available at any time and at any place we are. We can surf the internet, find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
news, jobs, universities, distinguished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
be posted
about everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Moreover
, if we dig deeper, we will understand that internet is
also
a real opportunity for those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
artists to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and introduce their works to the society.

In addition
,
besides
all that technological inventions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
has been striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
The verb 'to explain something to someone' requires a preposition.
everything
that surrounds us, thereby making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be much closer to their nature and world.
In other words
, they unravel any kinds of unexplainable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of the nature,
hence
giving us that opportunity to be
Consider using a past participle here: "prevented".
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disasters and take care of our home.
For example
, in ancient times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the effects of their deleterious activities on the nature,
therefore
were not eager to take steps and look after their environment.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we realize that humanity should be
extremely
careful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
global warming, pollution etc.

In the light of the reasons mentioned above, I will
surely
state that the contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the one of artists.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SCIENTISTS MAKE THE MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY. OTHERS THINK THAT THE CONTRIBUTIONS FOF ARTISTS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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