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It is undeniable that the number of people who suffer from obesity is skyrocketing. some people blame the government for being responsible for this issue. I partially agree with this statement however individuals also play an important part which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

It is undeniable that the number of people who suffer from obesity is skyrocketing. some people blame the government for being responsible for this issue. I partially agree with this statement however individuals also play an important part which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Rw5bP
It is undeniable that the number of people who suffer from obesity is skyrocketing. some people blame the government for being responsible for this issue. I partially agree with this statement however individuals also play an important part which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, where is this problem come from, there are numerous ways that cause obesity. But the most striking cause would be over-consuming which comes from bad behavior in eating and less in exercising. Furthermore. advertisements seem to draw more attention to unhealthy foods such as fast-foods and snacks. To begin with government sectors, they are the most powerful in term of forcing in regulation. governments can come out with laws or restrictions to minimize this problem such as the limitation of unhealthy diet in advertisements on television or enforce a school to offer a portion of healthier food for a student. Furthermore, educating is also an important part for acknowledging people to consume more healthier food on a day-to-day basis. However, on the other hand, individuals also play an important part to curb this problem. Firstly, parents who have superior knowledge of diet should prepare their everyday meal in proper portions and less high-calorie food such as various snacks, cakes or sweetened drinks. Secondly, parents should be a good role model for their children in consuming and practice good behavior in eating and adequate exercising. All in all, I partially agree with the statement that government should be a key person to solve this problem. however, individuals also can be an important factor in mitigating the problem by practicing in their own family.
It is undeniable that the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who suffer from obesity is skyrocketing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blame the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for being responsible for this issue. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
however
individuals
also
play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part which will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, where is this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from, there are numerous ways that cause obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most striking cause would be over-consuming which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior in eating and less in exercising.
Furthermore
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
advertisements
seem to draw more attention to unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-foods and snacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sectors, they are the most powerful in term of forcing in regulation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with laws or restrictions to minimize this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as the limitation of unhealthy diet in advertisements on television or enforce a school to offer a portion of healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for a student.
Furthermore
, educating is
also
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part for acknowledging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to consume
Use only "healthier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a day-to-day basis.

However
,
on the other hand
, individuals
also
play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part to curb this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, parents who have superior knowledge of diet should prepare their everyday meal in proper portions and less high-calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as various snacks, cakes or sweetened drinks.
Secondly
, parents should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model for their children in consuming and practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
behavior in eating and adequate exercising.

All in all, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be a key person to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, individuals
also
can be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor in mitigating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by practicing in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family.
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IELTS essay It is undeniable that the number of people who suffer from obesity is skyrocketing. some people blame the government for being responsible for this issue. I partially agree with this statement however individuals also play an important part which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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