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•It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions, e.g. finance, media, entertainment and sport, are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in security, agriculture, and education are underpaid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

•It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions, e. g. finance, media, entertainment and sport, are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in security, agriculture, and education are underpaid. Oy6Dp
Most people would agree that some athletes or entertainers are overpaid compared to others. I feel that employees are of utmost importance, but they by no means deserve higher salaries, as we shall see. Admittedly, employees play a key role in crucial aspects of society such as agriculture, security, or education which are helpful in building a prosperous nation. They are also the ones who sacrifice themselves to serve the country, for instance, the policemen who are willing to die to protect citizens from being harmed. However, it must be said that employees are those who still have more freedom and privacy than celebrities. While the former may still roam without hesitating, the latter will be followed or captured by paparazzi and fans every moment. This means that individuals working in entertainment, sport or media have pressure from not only their work but also other people. Furthermore, as working in education, security, agriculture work for public sectors, the work/life balance of the educators, agriculturists will be improved. This in themselves may have days off, and do not have as tight schedules as financial workers or influencers, who have to use much creativity resulting in a great deal of time to work continuously. Such effects lead them to have a small amount of relaxation, which has an especially grave impact on both their mental and physical health. Overall, we must recognize and appreciate the efforts of those working in vital fields in helping to maintain the fabric of society. However, it appears that people working in media, sport, and finance deserve high salaries for their sacrifices of time and privacy.
Most
people
would
agree
that
some
athletes or entertainers are overpaid compared to others. I feel that employees are of utmost importance,
but
they by no means deserve higher salaries, as we shall
see
.

Admittedly
, employees play a key role in crucial aspects of society such as agriculture, security, or education which are helpful in building a prosperous nation. They are
also
the ones
who
sacrifice themselves to serve the country,
for instance
, the policemen
who
are willing to
die
to protect citizens from
being harmed
.

However
, it
must
be said
that employees are those
who
still
have more freedom and privacy than celebrities. While the former may
still
roam without hesitating, the latter will
be followed
or captured by paparazzi and fans every moment. This means that individuals
working
in entertainment, sport or media have pressure from not
only
their work
but
also
other
people
.
Furthermore
, as
working
in education, security, agriculture work for public sectors, the work/life balance of the educators, agriculturists will be
improved
. This in themselves may have days off, and do not have as tight schedules as financial workers or influencers,
who
have to
use
much creativity resulting in a great deal of time to work
continuously
. Such effects lead them to have a
small
amount of relaxation, which has an
especially
grave impact on both their mental and physical health.

Overall
, we
must
recognize and appreciate the efforts of those
working
in vital fields in helping to maintain the fabric of society.
However
, it appears that
people
working
in media, sport, and finance deserve high salaries for their sacrifices of time and privacy.
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IELTS essay •It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions, e. g. finance, media, entertainment and sport, are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in security, agriculture, and education are underpaid.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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