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It Is True That Whilst Many People Use Their Public Parks, This Space Could Be Used For Other Purposes, Such As Building Houses For Young People Or Developing A Business Area To Create Jobs.

It Is True That Whilst Many People Use Their Public Parks, This Space Could Be Used For Other Purposes, Such As Building Houses For Young People Or Developing A Business Area To Create Jobs. PXPNJ
Public parks have been considered as an indispensable aspect every community due to its profound positive impact on citizens' lives. While some people state that we should cut down on the establishment of parks to make room for housing areas or business enterprises, I strongly believe that parks play an irreplaceable role in our lives and must be developed in quality and scale. It is no doubt true that public parks directly boost the development of people in both mental and physical aspects. Whether it is going for a long stroll with a partner, doing physical exercises every morning or simply just going on a decent weekend camp with your family, parks are the top-of-mind option of the majority of us. What's more, go sightseeing in the park or congregating with friends enhances a sense of relaxation enjoyed by most people. Another reason why we should retain the existence of public parks is that it possesses vital environmental significance. Parks contain a diversity of trees and plants that absorb carbon dioxide whereas emits oxygen into the atmosphere, this process helps purifies the air and hinder the progress of global warming, not to mention other positive consequences. Furthermore, children can take advantage of the botanical environment in public parks by seizing more exposure to nature, from which they comprehend not only knowledge but also affection toward the biological study. From the aforementioned reasons, I must concede that the role of public parks to human life is of substantial significance: they make improvement in people's mental and physical well-being and help protect the environmental condition of the locality. Therefore they should not be replaced by houses or business companies, especially in urban areas where skyscrapers are rampant, the existence of parks is important to counterbalance the confinement and pollution that are already overdose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
have
been considered
as an indispensable aspect every community due to its profound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on citizens'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down on the establishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for housing areas or business enterprises, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
play an irreplaceable role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be developed
in quality and scale.

It is no doubt true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
directly
boost the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in both mental and physical aspects. Whether it is going for a long stroll with a partner, doing physical exercises every morning or
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
going on a decent weekend camp with your family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are the top-of-mind option of the majority of us. What's more, go sightseeing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
or congregating with friends enhances a sense of relaxation enjoyed by most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another reason why we should retain the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
is that it possesses vital environmental significance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
contain a diversity of trees and plants that absorb carbon dioxide whereas emits oxygen into the atmosphere, this process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
purifies the air and hinder the progress of global warming, not to mention other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences.
Furthermore
, children can take advantage of the botanical environment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
by seizing more exposure to nature, from which they comprehend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affection toward the biological study.

From the aforementioned reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concede that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
to human life is of substantial significance: they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
improvement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental and physical well-being and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
protect the environmental condition of the locality.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they should not
be replaced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
especially
in urban areas where skyscrapers are rampant, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to counterbalance the confinement and pollution that are already overdose.
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IELTS essay It Is True That Whilst Many People Use Their Public Parks, This Space Could Be Used For Other Purposes, Such As Building Houses For Young People Or Developing A Business Area To Create Jobs.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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