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It is true that some celebrities are well-known for their glamorous lifestyle rather than their talents and success.

It is true that some celebrities are well-known for their glamorous lifestyle rather than their talents and success. Gqgm
It is true that some celebrities are well-known for their glamorous lifestyle rather than their talents and success. While I agree that these celebrities may set a bad example for youngsters, I also believe that other famous people act as positive role models. On the one hand, there are compelling reasons why I believe that many famous people become popular due to their lifestyle, instead of their outstanding achievement these days. They may have inherited money from their parents, married a famous or wealthy person, or they may have appeared in gossip magazines or a reality TV program. A good example would be Paris Hilton, rich and famous for inheriting a corporation from her family. However, she spends a lot of time at parties and shopping. Her behavior sets a bad example to young people that appearance, glamour, and media profile are more important than hard work and good character. (good) On the other hand, there are still at least as many celebrities whose accomplishments make them excellent role models for young people. Actors, musicians, and sports stars become famous idols because they have worked hard and applied themselves to develop real skills and abilities. They demonstrate the great effort, determination, and ambition required for someone who wants to be truly successful in their chosen field. An example is an actor and martial artist, Jackie Chan, who has become world-famous in the world through years of practice and hard work. These kinds of self-made celebrities can inspire children to develop their talents through application and perseverance. In conclusion, I still contend that celebrities' influence on young people can be positive and harmful for the reasons I have mentioned above.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are well-known for their glamorous lifestyle
rather
than their talents and success. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
may set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for youngsters, I
also
believe that other
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famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role models.

On the one hand, there are compelling reasons why I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become popular due to their lifestyle,
instead
of their outstanding achievement these days. They may have inherited money from their parents, married a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
or wealthy person, or they may have appeared in gossip magazines or a reality TV program. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
would be Paris Hilton, rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for inheriting a corporation from her family.
However
, she spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time at parties and shopping. Her behavior sets a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that appearance, glamour, and media profile are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character. (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
)

On the other hand
, there are
still
at least as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
whose accomplishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them excellent role models for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Actors, musicians, and sports stars become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
idols
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and applied themselves to develop real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities. They demonstrate the great effort, determination, and ambition required for someone who wants to be
truly
successful in their chosen field. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is an actor and martial artist, Jackie Chan, who has become world-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in the world through years of practice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. These kinds of self-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can inspire children to develop their talents through application and perseverance.

In conclusion
, I
still
contend that celebrities' influence on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and harmful for the reasons I have mentioned above.
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IELTS essay It is true that some celebrities are well-known for their glamorous lifestyle rather than their talents and success.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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