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It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Government have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or degree?

It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Government have no obligation to provide this benefit. N3mrg
Most of the people the age over 65 are not able to work and they only depend on their retirement funds whether it is provided by the Government or they have self-invested it. From my perspective, an individual must plan for his/her retirement himself/herself rather than relying on anybody. however, the government should help the individuals with it. On the one hand, people must set aside and invest money throughout their lifetime. In fact, there are numerous policies and fund schemes available for people to plan their retirement. These schemes require individuals to pay a small amount of money in instalments every month or year which depends on the type of policy. Moreover, these policies have some insurances included in them and people can avail these benefits when it is required. In addition, some government policies have tax rebates on them which is a good option for investment too. For instance, in India, the government post office has a policy in which an individual has to pay Rs. 1000 monthly for twenty years and after the age of sixty they will pay the same money to the individual as pension throughout their life. Therefore, people can adopt these kinds of schemes and plan for their retirement easily. Besides that, local authorities have to manage development works in many other areas such as the construction of roads, better education and health facilities and so on. Apart from that government has the main source of revenue is tax. However, the government is helping a lot by providing facilities to people at very low prices. So, if they start providing pensions to people then there will be no funds for the government to run. On the other hand, some individuals have very small or no income and they pay a very little amount of tax or no tax. In such scenarios, these people won't survive when they cross their age limit to work and they can only seek help from the government. Government must have the responsibility to do something earlier so that there will be no such cases. Besides this, people who pay taxes and social charges during their whole working lives. they also aspect something from the government in return when they retire because they have already paid a lot to the governemnt. To sum up, the government should help people with their retirement plans. However, if individuals are not able to plan it then the government should provide monetary help in the form of pension to people.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the age over 65 are not able to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
funds whether it
is provided
by the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Government or
they have self-invested it. From my perspective, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
himself/herself
rather
than relying on anybody.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
with it.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
set aside and invest money throughout their lifetime. In fact, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
and fund schemes available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. These schemes require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of money in
Possible spelling mistake. 'instalments' is British English.
instalments
every month or year which depends on the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insurances included in them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can avail these benefits when it
is required
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
rebates on them which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for investment too.
For instance
, in India, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
post office has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
in which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
Rs. 1000 monthly for twenty years and after the age of sixty they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the same money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
as pension throughout their life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adopt these kinds of schemes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
easily
.
Besides
that, local authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage development works in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other areas such as the construction of roads, better education and health facilities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Apart from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the main source of revenue is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is helping a lot by providing facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low prices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
providing pensions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
then there will be no funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to run.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or no
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
income and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
. In such scenarios, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't survive when they cross their age limit to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the responsibility to do something earlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there will be no such cases.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
and social charges during their whole working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
also
aspect something from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in return when they retire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have already paid a lot to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
governemnt
.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
it then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the form of pension to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Government have no obligation to provide this benefit.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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