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It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. v.2

It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. v. 2
As much as the Nature is beautiful, it can wreck havoc and the resulting natural disasters often do not come with a warning.   A natural disaster can hit a region any time and it is always thought to be a responsibility of the local government to protect their people from it. According to me, the government can be held responsible for a disaster that was predicted and could have been averted. For e. g. floods. A region that has high a rainfall prediction has a high possibility of being flooded. Such regions should have more dams built which can control the excess water due to rain. Similarly, regions with low rainfall prediction should have advanced facilities like rain-water harvesting so that the people can get adequate water for drinking, farming, etc. Having said this, the government may not be able to protect their people in all natural disasters for e. g. a tsunami, a volcanic eruption or a hurricane. A few years back two countries in Asia namely Sri Lanka and India were on the receiving end of the wrath of nature in the form of Tsunami. Thousands of people died and there was a substantial loss of property and livestock as well. Similarly, The United States has witnessed many cyclones in history and the people have suffered a lot of damage despite The States being the most powerful country in the world with a strong government at the helm. The citizens should be aware and take responsibility as well. Local governments of the natural disaster-prone areas should take additional steps to forecast and broadcast the news to minimise the natural disaster. The forecasting system and technology related to weather forecasting should be updated to take precaution so that people of the area get the news before the disaster hit the area. The government should allocate a budget and manpower to help the victim of the natural disaster. Thus the devastating outcome of the natural calamities can often be reduced. Thus, in conclusion, I feel that government should be responsible for the safety of its people but in some cases, it fails to do so against nature.
As much as the Nature is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, it can
Did you mean "wreak havoc"?
wreck havoc
and the resulting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disasters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a warning.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
can hit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
any time and it is always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be a responsibility of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from it.

This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
be held
responsible for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
that
was predicted
and could have
been averted
. For
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
floods. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
that has high a rainfall prediction has a high possibility of
being flooded
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
should have more dams built which can control the excess water due to rain.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
with low rainfall prediction should have advanced facilities like rain-water harvesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adequate water for drinking, farming, etc.

Having said this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
may not be able to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disasters
for
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
a tsunami, a volcanic eruption or a hurricane. A few years back two countries in Asia
namely
Sri Lanka and India were on the receiving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the wrath of nature in the form of Tsunami. Thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
and there was a substantial loss of property and livestock
as well
.
Similarly
, The United States has witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cyclones in history and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have suffered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
damage despite The States being the most powerful country in the world with a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
at the helm.

The citizens should be aware and take responsibility
as well
. Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disaster-prone areas should take additional steps to forecast and broadcast the news to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
. The forecasting system and technology related to weather forecasting should
be updated
to take precaution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
hit the area. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate a budget and manpower to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the victim of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the devastating outcome of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
calamities can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Thus
,
in conclusion
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible for the safety of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it fails to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
against nature.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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