Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. v.1

It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. v. 1
For many years natural calamities and disasters have been mankind's greatest enemy. The word goes with its literal meaning 'natural', that is involuntary in nature. Humans have no control over it. Nevertheless, there are steps that can be taken to prevent it and reduce the magnitude of its consequences.   Taking this in view, some people think that government solely is responsible for protecting its citizens, while, others oppose this by saying that individuals play an indispensable role in safeguarding themselves. This essay will provide an in-depth evaluation of the matter before coming to an appropriate conclusion. First of all, in this high- tech world, it is nearly impossible for us to control or prevent these disasters. Nowadays, media in the form of Television and newspapers are creating awareness among the people to tackle these situations, even before they face it. For example, Cyclones; category 5 cyclone hit Australia in 2015, people were warned beforehand through TV about the occurrence and necessary steps were taken immediately to minimise the loss. Similarly, newspapers have articles about what to expect in times of earthquakes and so on. Furthermore, people today are much more educated to take initiatives themselves. For example, individuals nowadays build houses that are disaster proof. Moreover, along with the citizens, the government also plays an important role in protecting its people. According to me, a generous amount of money should be spent on architectural works. Buildings should be made so strong that it even stands high magnitude earthquake. One such example is, UAE, it is currently including iron pillars and iron wheels so that the building can withstand high force. In addition, the government should provide to the people with adequate resources to reduce the amount of loss. For example, in cases of cyclones, sand bags should be supplied in abundance to the coastal areas to avoid flooding. Lastly, after the disaster has occurred, appropriate rescue plans should be executed with efficient medical facilities and compensation for the loss if practical, need to be provided. To conclude, from the aforementioned contributions, it is crystal clear that the government has the major role to play in overcoming the disasters caused by natural calamities. But, to be mentioned, it works better if goes together with the co-operation of the citizens too.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years natural calamities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disasters
have been mankind's greatest enemy. The word goes with its literal meaning 'natural',
that is
involuntary in nature. Humans have no control over it.
Nevertheless
, there are steps that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the magnitude of its consequences.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Taking this in view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
solely
is responsible for protecting its citizens, while, others oppose this by saying that individuals play an indispensable role in safeguarding themselves. This essay will provide an in-depth evaluation of the matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to an appropriate conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in this high- tech world, it is
nearly
impossible for us to control or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disasters
. Nowadays, media in the form of Television and newspapers are creating awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to tackle these situations, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they face it. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Cyclones; category 5 cyclone hit Australia in 2015,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were warned
beforehand through TV about the occurrence and necessary steps
were taken
immediately to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the loss.
Similarly
, newspapers have articles about what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
in times of earthquakes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are much more educated to take initiatives themselves. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, individuals nowadays build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
proof.

Moreover
, along with the citizens, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in protecting its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, a generous amount of money should
be spent
on architectural works. Buildings should
be made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong that it even stands high magnitude earthquake. One such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
is, UAE, it is
currently
including iron pillars and iron wheels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the building can withstand high force.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with adequate resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of loss. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, in cases of cyclones, sand bags should
be supplied
in abundance to the coastal areas to avoid flooding.
Lastly
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disaster
has occurred, appropriate rescue plans should
be executed
with efficient medical facilities and compensation for the loss if practical, need to
be provided
.

To conclude
, from the aforementioned contributions, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the major role to play in overcoming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disasters
caused by natural calamities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, to
be mentioned
, it works better if goes together with the co-operation of the citizens too.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is the responsibility of a government to protect its citizens from natural disasters. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts