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It is suggested that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work to help people in the community. Does it bring more benefits or drawbacks to the community and young people.

It is suggested that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work to help people in the community. Does it bring more benefits or drawbacks to the community and young people. With increase in population there are several people in the society who are seeking for the help from today’s youth. Therefore, it is suggested that all young adults should undertake social work to help the people in the community. In my opinion, in this essay merits outweighs the demerits as it brings great relief to the society and inner happiness to the young people. It is must that young people should participate in doing some good social work which bring peace to the needy people and further uplift their spirit. Firstly, the entire country is divided into three classes namely affluent, middle and poor. There are many poor people in the country who needs the support for their livelihood. For an example, poor people in village are unable to send their children to the schools because of high fees where young people can provide free teaching which can help them to build their career. Secondly, there are sick people who cannot afford high doctor fees where they can go for their treatment. For an example, due to expensive medical treatments poor people live with the painful disease which can be healed by the young doctor by giving them free consulting and medicines. Although, society is benefited with the assistance from the young people. However, young people faces challenges as they need to invest their limited resources such as time and money because this is their age to make their career and to save the money for the future uncertainties. However, this can be overcome by starting a NGO and collecting donations from the affluent family and working for 1 hour daily. To conclude, young people should involve in paid free work to support the needy people in the community which will in turn will bring happiness to poor people and inner joy to the young people.
It
is suggested
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should undertake a period of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Does it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
more benefits or drawbacks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

With increase in population there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society who are seeking for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s youth.
Therefore
, it
is suggested
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should undertake social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. In my opinion, in this essay merits outweighs the demerits as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
great relief to the society and inner happiness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should participate in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
peace to the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
further
uplift their spirit.
Firstly
, the entire country
is divided
into three classes
namely
affluent, middle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the country who needs the support for their livelihood. For an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in village are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to the schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high fees where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide free teaching which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to build their career.
Secondly
, there are sick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford high doctor fees where they can go for their treatment. For an example, due to expensive medical treatments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with the painful disease which can
be healed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
doctor by giving them free consulting and medicines.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, society
is benefited
with the assistance from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
faces
challenges as they need to invest their limited resources such as time and money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is their age to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career and to save the money for the future uncertainties.
However
, this can
be overcome
by starting
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
NGO and collecting donations from the affluent family and working for 1 hour daily.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should involve in paid free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to support the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
which will in turn will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
happiness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and inner joy to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.

IELTS essay It is suggested that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work to help people in the community. Does it bring more benefits or drawbacks to the community and young people.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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