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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

In the recent time people prefer to spend their free time enjoying tv programms. It generates lazy and inasociable people. I strongly agree with this statement because this issue can affect physical and mental health of humans. The excess of time on television can cause serious problems to the people. First of all, taking a lot of time on the tv every day can lead to addiction, as consequent of this, physical and mental problems being to appear; for example, vision problems and overweight are the most frequently. Secondly, When people prefer to be near the television, instead of doing free activities, lack of communication and poor interaction between people can occur, as a result, changes in behavior or mental states may occur. However, it possible to deal with this issues if people from home start changing rutines and traditions, it can help with a healthy lifestyle, for instance dedicating more time to practice outdoor activities, also have specific time to enjoy of television with a short period of time. Moreover exist professionals that can bring support and guidance, does not matter age or social status; the plans or programs of the Department of Health are being useful to the community. I suggest that there should be a balance between indoor and outdoor activities, using adequate time, involving everyone. To conclude, using television in long period of time can produce physical and mental problems in people, that could cause adictions, diseases, and changes in their behaviour
In the recent
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time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enjoying
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tv
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programms
. It generates lazy and
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inasociable
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people
. I
strongly
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agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this issue can affect physical and
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mental
health of humans.

The excess of
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time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can cause serious
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problems
to the
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people
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
every day can lead to addiction, as consequent of this, physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
being to appear;
for example
, vision
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and overweight are the most
frequently
.
Secondly
, When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to be near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
instead
of doing free activities, lack of communication and poor interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can occur,
as a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in behavior or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
states may occur.

However
,
It seems that a verb is missing after “it”. Please verify.
it possible
to deal with this issues if
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people
from home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
changing
Possible spelling mistake found.
rutines
and traditions, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with a healthy lifestyle,
for instance
dedicating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to practice outdoor activities,
also
have specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
with a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
exist professionals that can bring support and guidance, does not matter age or social status; the plans or programs of the Department of Health are being useful to the community.

I suggest that there should be a balance between indoor and outdoor activities, using adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, involving everyone.

To conclude
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can produce physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, that could cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
adictions
, diseases, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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