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It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their country are more tolerant and understanding of others. q72D
The international visitors are considered as comparatively more patient and considerate. Clearly, to some extent, it appears to be reasonable to me. To begin, what makes people open-minded and forgiving is their encounter to different masses in the world. To explain, travelling the world on long journeys eventually open eyes, and change perspectives as people come closer to other's battles and struggles in lives and the misfortune they have. This ultimately makes them realise one's way of behaving is the reflection of their mere circumstances. As a result, they learn to celebrate differences, since they know all are the part of a global community, and there is nowhere else for anyone to go. Dr. Jonathan Bricker, the psychologist from Chicago University, mentioned in TED conference once that, the majority of the individuals become broad-minded after their visit in overseas. Hence, many experiences gathered along the road that teaches a traveller to appreciate and respect unique cultures customs and differences in life. On the contrary, even few individuals are there as well who are sympathetically aware of people's feelings though they have never travelled to overseas. To elaborate, certain masses who are vulnerable and they have educated themselves more deeply about other people and cultures. Research conducted on a national level has shown that countries whose citizens are more accepting of uncertainty tend to be more accepting of dissent, less risk-averse and more positive towards young people. Hence, by developing one's nature one can even be balanced and compassionate in his life. To conclude, those who explore a different corner of the world and come across with many realities of life they are calm and composed more than others; however, in my view, others are same as well who are very much understood though they have not travelled world eve in their entire life span.
The international visitors
are considered
as
comparatively
more patient and considerate.
Clearly
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it appears to be reasonable to me.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
open-minded and forgiving is their encounter to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
masses in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, travelling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
on long journeys
eventually
open eyes, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
perspectives as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer to other's battles and struggles in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the misfortune they have. This
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
one's way of behaving is the reflection of their mere circumstances.
As a result
, they learn to celebrate differences, since they know all are the part of a global community, and there is nowhere else for anyone to go. Dr. Jonathan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bricker
, the psychologist from Chicago University, mentioned in TED conference once that, the majority of the individuals become broad-minded after their visit in overseas.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences gathered along the road that teaches a
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
to appreciate and respect unique cultures customs and differences in life.

On the contrary
, even few individuals are there
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
sympathetically
aware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's feelings though they have never travelled to overseas. To elaborate, certain masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
vulnerable and
they have educated themselves more
deeply
about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and cultures. Research conducted on a national level has shown that countries whose citizens are more accepting of uncertainty tend to be more accepting of dissent, less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-averse and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
towards young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, by developing one's nature one can even
be balanced
and compassionate in his life.

To conclude
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
explore a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
realities of life they are calm and composed more than others;
however
, in my view, others are same
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much understood though they have not travelled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
eve in their entire life span.
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IELTS essay It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their country are more tolerant and understanding of others.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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