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It is said that the champion in beauty contests must have the best physical appearance. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples to support your ideas.

It is said that the champion in beauty contests must have the best physical appearance. What is your opinion? wxaqe
Some people believe that the champion in a beauty pageant must be the one who have the best physical appearance. I completely disagree with this point of view. In my opinion, it is absurd to agrue that only girls with the best physical appearance can be the winner in beauty contests. I do not believe that beauty pageants are held just to reward the most beautiful one. Beauty contests are ones which are organized to search for the most intelligent, the most charming, the most elegant girl not only the girl with the best physical appearance. The champion in beauty contests is considered as a symbol of beauty, grace and youthfulness, as a result, they must have the harmonious combination between intelligence, congeniality, elegance not only beauty. For example, Miss Universe 2015 Pia Wust Zbach was not the girl with best physical appearance in the contest and she was only 170 cm high. She defeated other candidates by her intelligence, her elegance and her beautiful story about incredible attempt to be at Miss Universe. Furthermore, the champion must be the one who have the most positive effect on public. The champions must have the integrity, they are not only attractive but also kind and sympathy. They are also the symbol of kindness and attempt. We can take H’hen Nie as a example. H’hen Nie, the representative of Vietnam in Miss Universe 2018, went to top 5 Miss Universe. She was born in a ethnic minority which prevents her from many opportunities. She have swarthy skin and tow boy haircut, which is not appreciated in Vietnam. However, she got rid of all the difficulties and critic to become the symbol of beauty in Vietnam. She also impresses by her kindness. She attended many environment projects and charity to help improve the living standard of ethnic minorities. In conclusion, the champions in beauty pageants must have only physical appearance but also intelligence, grace and especially kindness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champion
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
pageant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the one who have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
. I completely disagree with this point of view.

In my opinion, it is absurd to
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agrue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
can be the winner in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contests
. I do not believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
pageants
are held
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to reward the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contests
are ones which
are organized
to search for the most intelligent, the most charming, the most elegant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champion
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contests
is considered
as a symbol of
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beauty
, grace and youthfulness,
as a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the harmonious combination between intelligence, congeniality, elegance not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
.
For example
, Miss Universe 2015
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pia
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Wust
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zbach
was not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
contest and
she was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
170 cm high. She defeated other candidates by her intelligence, her elegance and her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
story about incredible attempt to be at Miss Universe.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the one who have the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on public. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the integrity, they are not
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only
attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
kind and sympathy. They are
also
the symbol of kindness and attempt. We can take H’hen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nie
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
example. H’hen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nie
, the representative of Vietnam in Miss Universe 2018, went to top 5 Miss Universe. She
was born
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ethnic minority which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
her from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities. She
The pronoun 'She' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
swarthy skin and tow boy haircut, which is not appreciated in Vietnam.
However
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
rid of all the difficulties and critic to become the symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
in Vietnam. She
also
impresses by her kindness. She attended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environment projects and charity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard of ethnic minorities.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
champions
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
pageants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
intelligence, grace and
especially
kindness.
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IELTS essay It is said that the champion in beauty contests must have the best physical appearance. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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